Valorie Burton's Blog, page 10
May 30, 2022
Create Your You-Do List
Is it time to tame your to-do list?
This is the second of a three-part series about how to tame your to-do list.
When you get overwhelmed with everything that needs to be done, here is a trick to tame your to-do list.
Within your list of things to do, there are some things you can delegate. I call that the YOU-do list. In other words, somebody else can do it!
Sometimes it can be really hard for us to figure out how to delegate – especially if we are independent, a little controlling, genuinely interested in doing the work ourselves, or anxious about asking for help.
Guilt and anxiety are the two most common factors that keep us from delegating.
When we need to figure out our way forward a lot of times we look for the right answers, but we have to start with the right questions.
I’ve got a couple of coaching questions for you because a few of you have been asking me, “how can I become a better delegator?”
First, I want you to ask “what are the things that others can do that I insist on doing?”
This could be as simple as a task that you just keep doing in your job that you just don’t need to do. The fact that you keep doing it is keeping someone else from learning how to do it.
The same can be true with your children! You’re doing things for them that they can start doing for themselves. When you give them the opportunity of responsibility, it actually opens up space for you to just breathe or get other things done or maybe relax for a minute. And your kids get to feel proud of their accomplishments.
You simply have to overcome the anxiety that they will not do it as well as you would. You know what? It’s ok! If they do it eighty percent as well or sixty percent as well as you, that’s fine.
So ask yourself what is it that others could do that you insist on doing yourself. Make a list of those things, because in order to be most effective in your life you need to be able to delegate.
To be a good leader, you do the things that only you can do, but you delegate everything else. If you are wasting your time doing things that others could be doing, then you are wasting time that could be spent on your unique giftings.
Remember that you are the only mother, or spouse, or partner, the only person who can do what you can uniquely do. Don’t waste your time doing the things anyone can do if you can delegate those things to someone else.
Ask yourself, “Who needs to be on my YOU-do list?”
Who do you keep letting off the hook because you are doing something for them that they could be doing for themselves?
Figuring out your YOU-do list is really about you getting clarity that in order to have more space and margin in your life, you’re going to have to let go of some things. You’re going to have to delegate more, and you’re going to have to push through those feelings of anxiety or even guilt so that you can do it this is a powerful way.
If you have been reading this email and thinking that there is someone in your life who could really use this message, you may consider yourself a coach to others. If you’ve ever considered coaching as a skill for your own resilience or as a leadership skill for you to help others reach their potential, I want you to check out the Coach Training Intensive (CTI) at the CaPP Institute.
We do the Coach Training Intensive (CTI) four times a year, and we have another one coming up! We’ve trained coaches from every state in the United States and 27 countries around the world; we do it live virtually.
I think you’ll love it so be sure to check it out, and in the meantime I want you to do some delegating. Take out that to-do list and tame it by creating a YOU-do list, and then sit back and enjoy the extra time you’re going to reclaim by having the courage to delegate.
Coach Yourself:
What is it that ONLY YOU can do?
Who is on your YOU-do list?
What could you do with more margin in your schedule?
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Create Your NOT To-Do List
If your to-do list sometimes feels out of control, you’re not alone.
I love to use a simple strategy to keep my to-do list narrowed down and focused on the most critical tasks so that it’s not overwhelming. I arrange my list into four categories…
do it, delay it, delegate it, or delete it.
Over these next three weeks, I’m going to specifically talk about delaying, delegating, and deleting because this is one of the things I get asked about most.
Your to-do list doesn’t have to be scary. It can feel doable and organized if you coach yourself with the right questions.
When it comes to deleting items on your list, I call it creating your “not-to-do list.”
To know what tasks to put on your “not-to-do list” ask these three questions…
1. Is this item meaningful?
We often have things on our list that may have been meaningful at a different time, but are no longer important. Maybe it was meaningful last week, maybe it was meaningful a year ago, but if it isn’t meaningful right now, it’s time to delete it.
2. Is it necessary?
Sometimes we can become perfectionists when it comes to our to-do list. We can go over the top with adding things to our list even if we don’t actually have a true need or the time to do it. If it’s not truly necessary, give yourself permission to simply cross it off the list.
3. Does it need to happen now?
We have things on our list that we eventually want to get done, but we don’t have to get them done right now. That means you can delete it from your list.
Run your to-do list through this filter every time you start to feel stressed about by what you’ve got on your plate.
Asking the right questions and self-coaching is a great tool for resilience, leadership, and personal growth. If you’ve ever thought of developing those skills or even becoming a coach, check out the Coach Training Intensive happening online June 11-13.
Learn more and register at .
Coach Yourself
Look at your to-do list and ask these questions:
Is this item meaningful?
Is it necessary?
Does it need to happen now ?
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Purpose Fuels Motivation
If you’ve ever found yourself setting a goal, getting excited about the goal, and then losing steam, you are definitely not alone.
One of the most common questions I get is about how to create consistency, so I want to share a simple key to doing that.
Whether you’re trying to eat healthier, finish a degree, or get a promotion at work, this principle will help you when you feel like your motivation is starting to wane…
Purpose fuels perseverance.
If you want to stay motivated, you’ve got to have a purpose that is so strong and connected to your values, that even when things get difficult, you keep going.
When you’ve got a powerful “why” behind your goals, you’ll push through when you mess up. You won’t get derailed by setbacks or challenges. The purpose behind your goal will pull you forward even in the challenging times.
Think about the goal you want to be consistent with right now and ask yourself, “Why does this matter to me? What makes it worth persevering towards?”
If you can’t answer that question, you might need to tweak your goal until it matches a purpose that’s meaningful for you. If you can answer that question, keep it in front of you. It’s inevitable that things get hard but if you know why you’re doing it, you won’t stop.
Coach Yourself
What’s the purpose behind your goals?
What makes them worth persevering through?
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May 8, 2022
What will you wish you had done?
There’s a strategy I love that always helps make the right choices in any given situation. This idea gives you the benefit of stepping into your future self and using hindsight to look back and ask a very simple question.
This is actually the last in a six-part coaching series on how to coach yourself by asking the right kinds of questions. You can watch the entire series .
These questions will move you forward in a powerful way. This is my absolute favorite coaching question I want to share with you:
If you look back a few years from now, what will you wish you had done in this current season?
Sometimes when you’re right in the middle of a situation, all of the unimportant details might cause you to lose sight of the big picture. Instead, take a minute to imagine what your hindsight will be saying in the future.
So what will you wish you had done when you look back on this season? Is there something that your future self would thank you for doing today?
Whether it’s a decision about how you’re handling your health, a relationship, your finances, or something in your career or business, ask that question often.
If you’ve ever pondered the idea of self-coaching as a tool for your personal growth, check out a free course I created called How to Coach Yourself at ValorieBurton.com. If you’re ready to be supported month by month in a community focused on personal growth, check out the Successful Women’s Academy (SWA) at valorieburton.com. And remember, where you go is determined by how much you are willing to grow. Coaching is a process that can help you grow consistently and intentionally into the full potential in every area of your life.
Coach Yourself
If you look back a few years from now, what will you wish you had done in this current season?
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May 1, 2022
What is the wise thing to do?
There is a question that can ground you in knowing what the right next step is when you’re trying to make a decision.
This is the fifth of a six-part video series on coaching yourself with the right questions. I’ve been getting questions from some of you, and this week I was asked:
“I’m trying to make a decision about how to handle an opportunity that has come up. There are time-sensitive matters that are making the decision feel urgent, but I’m scared of making a move too quickly because the consequences might be something I regret later.”
Here’s the question to coach yourself with. It’s a variation on a question from pastor and author, Andy Stanley. When you can consider past experiences, your current circumstances, and your future dreams …
What is the wise thing to do?
This question causes you to take a 360-degree view of your life. Your past experiences have given you some wisdom, your present circumstances ground you in reality, and your future dreams help you to align with your vision of what you want.
The wise thing is not the same as the fastest thing, the most popular thing, or the easiest thing. In fact, when we ask this question, we almost always get a different answer from what is the easiest thing to do.
You will always thank yourself later for doing the wise thing.
If you’ve ever pondered the idea of self-coaching as a tool for your personal growth, check out a free course I created called How to Coach Yourself at ValorieBurton.com. If you’re ready to be supported month by month in a community focused on personal growth, check out the Successful Women’s Academy (SWA) at valorieburton.com. And remember, where you go is determined by how much you are willing to grow. Coaching is a process that can help you grow consistently and intentionally into the full potential in every area of your life.
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April 24, 2022
Do this instead of beating yourself up
Do you tend to beat yourself up when you make a mistake or don’t get things just right?
This is the fourth of a six-part video series on coaching yourself with the right questions. I’ve been getting questions from some of you, and this week I was asked:
“I’m pretty hard on myself. In many ways, it’s gotten me to where I am because I work really hard. But then I never feel like I’ve done enough. I end up beating myself up for not doing more – whether for my job, my kids, my spouse, even committees I volunteer on! It’s ridiculous. I’m not hard on other people, just myself, and it’s taking a toll on my ability to feel content and happy with myself. How can I learn to not be so hard on myself so that I can’t relax and enjoy where I am?”
This is actually not an unusual problem. Many of us have probably felt this way before. So how do we find the right answer to this problem?
Coach yourself with one of my favorite questions:
If your best friend was going through the challenge you face, how would you treat them and what would you say to them?
Think back to the most recent time you were hard on yourself or beating yourself up. How would the things you say to yourself be different if you were saying them to your best friend?
If you’re encouraging and kind to the people who you care about, can you be a friend to yourself the way that you are a friend to others?
Self-compassion lowers our stress levels and re-energizes us, which causes us to feel more motivated. In fact, studies have shown self-compassion to be more important than self-esteem when it comes to motivation.
Start by talking nicely to yourself when things are hard. You deserve kind words and encouragement.
If you’ve ever pondered the idea of self-coaching as a tool for your personal growth, check out a free course I created called How to Coach Yourself at ValorieBurton.com. If you’re ready to be supported month by month in a community focused on personal growth, check out the Successful Women’s Academy (SWA) at valorieburton.com. And remember, where you go is determined by how much you are willing to grow. Coaching is a process that can help you grow consistently and intentionally into the full potential in every area of your life.
Coach Yourself
If your best friend was going through the challenge you face, how would you treat them and what would you say to them?
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April 17, 2022
Do this BEFORE you set a goal
If you want to stick with a goal until you reach the end of it, there’s one question you must be able to answer BEFORE you set the goal.
This is the third in a six-part series on coaching yourself with the right questions. I’ve been getting questions from some of you, and this week I was asked:
“I struggle to stay motivated towards my goals. I start off excited, but then as it gets hard or takes longer than I’d like, I seem to give up too easily. I find excuses for why the goal is optional and why it doesn’t matter as much as I thought it did when I set it. How can I do better at staying motivated until I reach my goals?”
Most of us have been here at some point. We set our goals, but then we lose steam and give up.
Often we’re looking for the right answers, but we need to start with the right question.
There’s a lot of research around goal-setting and goal-getting, in fact, we teach a whole course on that topic in our Certified Personal and Executive Coach program [LINK]. When you understand what it really takes to stay motivated towards a goal, it makes your process so much more efficient and effective.
But I want to give you this one powerful coaching question that taps into what that research says:
What will your goal give you that you don’t already have?
We always want to make sure that the effort we put towards a goal is ultimately going to be worth it. When we ask, “What will my goal give me?” we are able to define the purpose behind putting in effort for this goal.
Sometimes the benefit of a goal just doesn’t outweigh the effort. By determining the worth of attaining your goal before you even begin, you will be able to decide if the effort is worth it to you.
When you know what your goal is going to give you that you don’t already have, then you know the purpose behind the goal… and purpose fuels perseverance.
If you answer this question and still think that your goal isn’t worth the effort required, don’t be discouraged. You can do one of two things: tweak the goal to make it more purposeful or give yourself permission to drop the goal altogether.
Either way, you’re going to be in a better position. You’ll have a more meaningful goal, or you will free up more time to work on other things that matter even more.
If you’ve ever pondered the idea of self-coaching as a tool for your personal growth, check out a free course I created called How to Coach Yourself at ValorieBurton.com. If you’re ready to be supported month by month in a community focused on personal growth, check out the Successful Women’s Academy (SWA) at valorieburton.com. And remember, where you go is determined by how much you are willing to grow. Coaching is a process that can help you grow consistently and intentionally into the full potential in every area of your life.
Coach Yourself
What will your goal give you that you don’t already have?
Do you have a goal that you need to tweak or put away?
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April 3, 2022
Decide your definition of success
Have you ever felt yourself falling into the trap of measuring your success by standards that others have set? If you want true fulfillment, at some point you have to decide on a personal definition of success.
This is the first in a six-part series on coaching yourself with the right questions. This week, I received this question:
“Because of what I’ve accomplished in my career I’m often called successful, even though I don’t feel successful. The reason I don’t feel successful, and instead I actually feel a little guilty, is because I want to take a new path in my career. I don’t feel like I’m doing what I’m meant to be doing – even though I’m very good at it. Is it crazy that I’m thinking about making a career change? I think my family and even my colleagues will not be able to believe that I’m giving up the success I’ve attained to go after something that’s not guaranteed to look as successful as where I’ve been.”
We often feel a lot of pressure from what everybody else considers success, but at some point we have to be honest with ourselves about what we know we are called to do.
Start by asking the question, “What feels purposeful for you?”
You’ll never feel successful if you feel like what you’re doing isn’t what you were meant to be doing.
In my book, Successful Women Think Differently, I define success as a harmony of purpose, resilience, and joy.
That definition starts with purpose for a reason.
You are here for a reason. People’s lives are better when they cross paths with you, and when you’re carrying out that purpose you’re always going to feel successful.
So what does success look like in this next season of your life?
You have to be able to define success in tangible ways so you can actually measure whether you are on track.
Only you can define what that looks like for you. If you don’t define success for yourself, you may find yourself feeling like you’re failing when you’re not. Don’t try to live up to everyone else’s standards rather than your own.
We can all benefit from learning to ask ourselves powerful questions. I have a course called How to Coach Yourself. You can find it for free at valorieburon.com. Until next time, be intentional about coaching yourself by asking powerful questions that move you forward.
Coach Yourself
What does success look like in the next season of your life?
Where are you trying to measure up to someone else’s version of success?
Warm wishes,
Valorie Burton
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March 27, 2022
Search for the right QUESTION, not the right ANSWER
Knowing the right answers has probably gotten you to some pretty good places… in school, it was good grades. In your career, it’s often more responsibility, promotions or praise. But there’s a skill I want to share that’s even better than knowing the answers – and long term, it’ll take you further.
This is session five of a five-part video series on coaching yourself through your challenges and opportunities. I’ve been getting questions from some of you and this week I was asked:
“I heard you speak recently about coaching yourself and others by asking powerful questions. You said we often know the answers deep down, but we don’t pause to ask the kinds of questions that will uncover those answers. What are your three favorite coaching questions for helping anyone overcome a challenge?”
You’re right. I’m all about asking powerful questions or PQs as I like to call them. I learned that habit from coaching and I teach that habit to the coaches and leaders who go through our training programs at the CaPP Institute.
It’s hard for me to choose just three, but here goes …
What is the opportunity in this challenge?What options haven’t I considered?If I had all the courage I needed in this situation, what would I do?Coaching moves you from where you are to where you really want to be and helps you navigate the challenges and obstacles along the way. One of the best tools of coaching is the powerful question. I just gave you a couple examples of my favorite PQ’s.
Now, if you’ve ever pondered the idea of coaching yourself or wonder how to increase your skills as a leader, business owner, parent… check out the (CTI). We have a live, virtual CTI happening as you read this, but there is another one right around the corner. The next CTI is in June and registration opens soon! I look forward to seeing you there, and until then, coach yourself through your challenges!
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