Nataliya's Reviews > The Cat in the Hat

This "kids' book" is, in my opinion, a nightmare-quality horror story. Why, you ask? What's scary about a funny-looking cat? *shudder* Well, what's so scary about these cute things?


(Well, there actually is nothing scary about that last one. That still doesn't make it any less of a nightmare.)

Sometimes I have nightmares where everything goes wrong, but I am helpless to do anything about it. What's worse, the voice of reason is gone. Well, that pretty much sums up the plot of this book. As a horror story, it gets solid 3 stars. Quick, somebody call Stephen King!

Two kids are left alone on a dreary rainy day - which by the way is a perfect setting for a horror story. (Sidenote: I am not that outraged with the mother leaving the kids unsupervised. In Eastern Europe parents do it all the time. And we survived ). Suddenly a stranger barges in and insists that the kids join him in his games (*cue ominous music here*). And he refuses to leave.

Yeah, if this creature barged into my house, I'd be curled up in a ball in a corner, wailing and wetting myself.



The sentient fish, who appears to supervise the kids and is the sole voice of sanity here, sensibly protests (He should not be here. He should not be about. He should not be here When your mother is out!) - and immediately gets physically threatened and abused. Terrified, it demands the abuse to stop - "This is no fun at all! Put me down! [...] I do NOT wish to fall!" - and narrowly avoids death. Hilarious, right?

Not to mention that, for a fish, seeing a cat is like you answering the doorbell just to greet a Grim Reaper.



Next, the terrifying delinquent Cat unleashes Things (perfect name for horror creatures) who wreck havoc on the house. Then the Cat cleans up and vanishes. Basically there is zero evidence left of this horrific intrusion even if the kids tried to tell. But likely the poor little victims will keep quiet. And who knows what will happen the next time the Cat shows up, knowing there are no consequences...

*shudder* / *ominous music* / *Nataliya keeps her light on at night to avoid nightmares*

"Should we tell her The things that went on there that day?"

YES. YOU SHOULD, KIDS. ALWAYS. PLEASE DO TELL YOUR PARENTS!
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Ok, enough about the story. 1 star rating for lazy writing and lazy rhyming. Apparently, the author spent months coming up with a long poem that is almost fully monosyllabic. Here is the issue. If children are old enough to read this long poem by themselves, they should be able to read more than a syllable at a time. I know I did. Let's not be condescending to kids - they are capable of a lot if we give them the benefit of the doubt.

Now, rhyming. I guess you run out of words quickly if you are limited to single syllables but still need to maintain the poetry rhythm. Still, it's not a justification for pathetic excuse of lines that go "Cold, cold wet day", "Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit!", "We sat there we two", "The sun is not sunny", "Fun that is funny", "So so so..." That is just lazy. Just because the story is for kids does not mean it's okay for the writing to be subpar.

The story has enough exclamation points to drive you mad. "And then something went BUMP! How that bump made us jump! We looked! Then we saw him step in on the mat! We looked! And we saw him! The Cat in the Hat!"
To quote (and take slightly out of context) the great Terry Pratchett,

"Multiple exclamation marks are a sure sign of a diseased mind."

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Yeah. Not a fan of this one. Maybe it's because I am a few decades past the target audience. Maybe it's because the book scares the bejeezus out of me. 2 stars total for the horror potential (which is higher than my initial 1-star rating, so yay?). Sorry, kids.