When I was in middle school, I had a massive Justin Bieber phase immediately followed by a quick but passionate love of One Direction. SinceStorytime!
When I was in middle school, I had a massive Justin Bieber phase immediately followed by a quick but passionate love of One Direction. Since I was on a reading sabbatical and was in middle school, I fangirled like it was my job. I’m talking 40 hours a week. Full time career. You’ve gotta be prepared at all times when you’re a huge fan - HEAVEN forbid another fan challenge you to name Bieber’s birthday and you don’t have it down to the second. And thank God I’ve forgotten it by now. Oh, wait, I should say:
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Anyway. When I wasn’t, like, making flashcards with Zayn Malik’s birthday on them, I was reading fanfiction. And the best ones were always the ones that took place on tour. Ahhh. I remember them so fondly. The main girl is the opener, or the makeup artist, or the manager’s second cousin’s best friend or whatever. SO GOOD.
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So. Why am I talking about this, you ask? Well, that’s because the only difference between this book and something I could dig up on OneDirectionFanFiction.com is that I’m not 13 anymore. And this doesn’t have any of the charm.
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Our guy in this book, Matt, could never face off with a fictionalized version of the Biebs (is that a thing?), or Harry Styles, or a massively upcycled version of one of the guys from One Direction who isn’t Harry or Zayn. He’s boring. (Matt, I mean. Not one of the One Direction guys. Although them too, to be honest.) I’m not a fan. I really don’t know what to say beyond that.
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Even the storyline of this is IDENTICAL to the fanfiction I would read. Boy and girl (Matt and Reagan, respectively) are on tour, girl pretends to hate boy while he “““jokingly””” hits on her, they kiss, they start dating, there’s a grand romantic gesture on the tour’s off day, things seem perfect, (view spoiler)[he cheats on her, it’s not what it looks like, he wins her back with another grand, musical gesture (hide spoiler)] and absolutely everything ends happily forever. And don’t forget the inevitable best friend fight (in this case between Reagan and the famous one, Delilah/Dee/Lilah.) There’s even a moment where Matt applies to a college and gets in within the span of two weeks. IT’S LIKE A FAIRYTALE. Oh, fanfiction.
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But unfortunately, those similarities are far from the worst part of this book. If only that were the case, I could’ve written “Justin” wherever it said Matt and given this three, three and a half stars on nostalgia alone. Unfortunately I’M NEVER ALLOWED TO LIKE ANYTHING. Gods of 카지노싸이트, please amend this.
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The girl on girl hate in this book is so damaging. I couldn’t even keep track of it at a certain point. Up until page 80 or so, I was having a great time with this...and then suddenly: SLUT SHAMING. FULL FORCE. ALL HANDS ON DECK. Then that expanded into general girls hating each other. Maybe one of the worst contemporary tropes.
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I was caught off guard. Especially because this book advertises itself as centering on girl on girl friendship, which usually ensures a book that doesn’t involve BLATANT ANTIFEMINISM. But alas, I was not safe. Here, I brought quotes.
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Like, seriously. Once I started collecting them, I couldn’t stop. A girl can’t make eye contact with our ever-so-lovely protagonist without Reagan’s infuriating internal monologue commenting on her clothes, or insulting her appearance. Or, above all, slut shaming her. I can’t remember if my fanfiction days were like this, because I was IGNORANT then. But bad news for this book:
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I’m just going to quote dump. Here we go. Don’t say I didn’t warn you:
1. When an innocent girl is innocently dancing with Matt while, God forbid, Reagan has an unspoken crush on him: "I survey her appearance, which is so obvious—long hair in full curls, skintight dress, and stacked heels. This look is amateur, the one I'd resort to if I was feeling lazy. I thought Matt had better taste than that." The best part is that our Reagan literally wears shorts and a tank top every day. Did someone say fashion icon???
2. After Reagan cyberstalks and shit talks Matt’s past girlfriends: "Basically what I'm saying is I think I could give either of those girls a run for their money."
3. In which a fan approaches Matt politely and Reagan tears her a new one: "The band is winding down when a girl zeroes in on us—or, more specifically, Matt. She's compact and curvy, topped with round curls that must have taken some serious hot rollers. Her hair dye is probably called Goldenrod or Honeysuckle, but it's actually the color of Aging Butter or Dry Cornbread."
4. When Reagan hits a new low - I gasped aloud - and equates anything that isn’t colonial America style modesty with self-hatred: "There are a few girls in the front with shirts cut so low that they make my neckline look modest. Like, honestly — if Matt so much as glanced down he could probably see all the way to their belly buttons. Some girls have no self-respect, and even though they can't see me, I make a face of disgust. Case in point: if Matt and I were together, I'd have to put those girls in their places. And I really can't afford another misdemeanor." Yes, please fight girls because they’re wearing shirts that aren’t turtlenecks and managed to get good seats to see their favorite performer! America thanks you! Hero’s work!
5. The gorgeous, elegant, late-in-the-game appearance of America’s least favorite trope: "God," he mutters. "Most girls love it when I write them a song." "Well, I am not most girls," I snap at him.
6. Looking at a picture of her boyfriend’s best friend: "She looks… Wholesome. And friendly. Like a Muppet." Girlfriend GOALS, am I right?
7. In case we didn’t have enough sweeping generalizations: "When a baby starts screaming in public, most women jut out their lower lips and say "Aww, somebody's sad."" I LOVE when people tell me about most women!
8. "I'd be pissed, too, if I was caught standing next to Alexis Henderson, who is a cheerleader but also a goody goody." Now this is just unnecessary. Like, what does this mean? What does that have to do with it? Can anyone explain this to me? I’m still confused.
9. "But, of course, it's easy to like any girl who's not part of your world. The moment she slides into an ex-boyfriend's orbit, we all have the same instinct: destroy." Oh right, of course! Because hating other women is NORMAL!
10. In which she makes fun of Matt’s best friend because he is TOTALLY off limits to any girl’s prying, slutty eyes, even his heartbroken BFF’s: "I close my eyes, almost a wince. Yeah, poor girl, breakups are rough, boo-hoo. But this is the same girl Matt said he loves. Used to love. Whatever."
11. "I'm not jealous. I'm… Annoyed. I know girls like her. As soon as Matt's not around, the gloves will come off." Yay! Because girls come in kinds!
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But we’re not done. No, the characters suck. CLEARLY, Reagan is a tumor upon humanity, and we’re stuck inside her head for 350 pages. Kill. Me. How did I finish this book? Anyway, that’s not the only reason she sucks. (Although it’s the biggest, obviously. How much worse can you get? She didn’t murder anyone...that I’m aware of. *insert Law & Order dun-dun here*)
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She’s also super vain. (There is a difference between vain and confident. One is good and one is bad. For this review, at least, the difference is whether you try to build others up or just yourself.) There’s a moment where she refuses to laugh at her best friend’s joke because she wants to look prettyyyyy on national TV. COME ON.
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Alright, I’m done with the Law & Order-themed gifs. I don’t even watch that show. Beyond that moment of vanity, Reagan talks about how she’s pretty all the time. But I like when girls compliment themselves (ain’t it tough, ladies? #society) so I’m not going to press it. She is also a straight up bad friend to Dee. Despite her attempts to tell the reader otherwise, there’s a weird anger toward Dee’s fame going on throughout the whole thing. I’m not a fan. SUPPORT. OTHER. GIRLS. REAGAN.
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I already talked about how boring Matt is. Beyond that...Dee is bubblegum sweet. Nothing else to her. And there are literally no other characters. This book made me stir crazy. Props to Emery Lord for making me really feel like I was trapped on tour with the same unchanging people and COULD NOT ESCAPE NO MATTER WHAT. Wait, what? That’s not the point of the book?
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Otherwise...there’s a weird thing where people call Dee “little lady” all the time. Didn’t like that. Is that a thing, people who may be reading this who are from the Southern United States?
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Aw! I googled little lady and Shirley Temple came up! Cute! Okay I need to be done now.
Bottom line: It all comes down to how vicious the girl hating is in this book. Emery Lord, I’m giving you one more try, since I already own The Start of Me and You. BUT I’M NOT HAPPY ABOUT IT....more
i am officially declaring that i have never been wrong, ever, in my life.
for many years, i thought that on the fence (which is by kasie west) and my li am officially declaring that i have never been wrong, ever, in my life.
for many years, i thought that on the fence (which is by kasie west) and my life next door (which is, like this book, which i will eventually get to reviewing, by huntley fitzpatrick) were the same book.
and even though their insides are very similar, featuring girls with unhappy home lives who begin spending time with families that are rowdy and large and containing many siblings and precisely one cute boy whose eyes and/or abs and/or hair will be a frequent topic of conversation until their romance, which is ultimately broken up by the aforementioned home life, only to come back together just pages from the end...
and even though their outsides are very similar, with titles alluding to the proximity of our protagonist's home to their love interest's, and faceless teen couples embracing in front of fences...
even though they have more in common than they do not, i blamed myself.
but no longer.
because i thought this book, by huntley fitzpatrick, was the same book as the distance between us, by kasie west.
fool me once, i will take the blame. fool me twice, IT IS YOU WHO SHOULD BE ASHAMED.
(don't mind me, i'm just punching up expressions now.)
this book and the distance between us both have earnest, melancholy titles alluding to relationship drama. they both have very early 2010s pinterest fonts in which these titles are written. they both have faceless teen couples touching each other.
and they are both about poor girls who live and work in the summery towns where hot rich guys (sorry, hot guys with rich dads) come to be condescending and fall in love with them.
worst trope ever, also. who enjoys being patronized and babied until a crush comes into fruition? i don't want to have an enemies to lovers arc with these polo-wearing future business majors of america. i want to stomp on their loafers until they leave me alone.
and then leave fiction forever.
how is this nightmare book actually two nightmares!!
part of a series i'm doing in which i review books i read a long time ago in order to be mad...more
This is the John Green-i-est book of all John Green books, and I hate it and him more than anything.
My sister and I actually have a running joke wherThis is the John Green-i-est book of all John Green books, and I hate it and him more than anything.
My sister and I actually have a running joke where we just quote this book back and forth to each other. Although honestly anytime anyone says "It's a metaphor," I immediately say "ya put tha killin' thing between ya teeth but ya don't give it the power to do its killin'!", affecting the mannerisms of a stereotypical paperboy from the 1920s.
It gets a laugh every time. (Or at least a sound of disgust, which is just as satisfying within this context.)
There are just so many laughable quotes. "I fell in love the way you fall asleep: Slowly, then all at once." "Some infinities are bigger than other infinities." "It would be a privilege to have my heart broken by you." "Because you are beautiful. I enjoy looking at beautiful people, and I decided a while ago not to deny myself the simpler pleasures of existence." (That one is a good one if you, like me, love your friends a lot but are bad at compliments. This will ensure that they know you love them, but also prevent them from ever wanting to talk to you ever again.)
Oh, and: "My thoughts are stars I cannot fathom into constellations." (That last one is probably my favorite, because it gets the most horrified reaction from the audience.) And how could I almost forget the classics: "Maybe 'okay' could be our 'always.'" (Also, of course I had to look up those quotes. While I love John Green jokes, my brain is so inherently opposed to him that I cannot memorize his sh*t for the life of me. I still mess up the killing thing between your teeth quote, and I say that one at least weekly.)
Anyway. It's comedy gold because this crap is cringe-worth-i-ly affected and pretentious and unrealistic, but also focuses on basic key words and concepts you can latch onto and bring up in pretty much any given conversation.
What? Yes, all of my friends do hate me. Why do you ask?
I am just about full to bursting and sick to death of John Green's quasi-profound books and boring guys and manic girls and token diverse background characters with one quirk and not much else. I don't know how much more pretentious dialogue and profound ponderings and fake teenage angst I can take.
Perhaps unsurprisingly,t his is not so much of a mini review, but I feel like I've had a buildup of John Green-directed anger of late. Don't get me wrong, I'm constantly boiling in it, just due to who I am as a person, but his return to writing and that ugly cover reveal are making me even madder. WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, JOHN. IS THIS BECAUSE YOU KNOW I WILL HAVE TO READ YOUR NEW BOOK, SINCE I HAVE LONG JUSTIFIED MY HATRED FOR YOU BY SAYING I'VE READ ALL YOUR SH*T AND DISLIKED IT ALL?
Can you tell that I somewhat irrationally believe he knows that I hate him? I've been so outspoken about it. Granted, over half of that outright opposition took place in my junior year AP World History class, but still. The man could have eyes everywhere.
Why, you may ask, do I continue to scream about him if I'm so scared he and his cringey YouTube videos and rabid fans will come for my life?
Because he is horrible. I enjoy ranting about horrible people, and I decided a while ago not to deny myself the simpler pleasures of existence.
(This is part of a project I am doing wherein I write mini reviews of books I read a long time ago. Yes, I am aware that this doesn't exactly fit anyone's definition of a mini review.)...more
how do you even discuss the damage this book, completely well-intentioned as it seems to be, has done?
i guess i can start this way: the year i turned 1how do you even discuss the damage this book, completely well-intentioned as it seems to be, has done?
i guess i can start this way: the year i turned 12, this book was The Book. sold bajillions of copies, topped best-of lists by critics and media and readers, sold its movie rights. because i was a 10 year old who read everything, and because this book sounded hard but important, i got it for christmas.
i read it for the first time that day and cried my eyes out at the ending. i read it a million times more after that, not putting it down for what would ultimately be the last time until i was well into teenagedom. i didn't always answer the question "what's your favorite book?" with this, but i sometimes did.
in other words, because i had just turned 12 and because i lived in a mostly white area and and because my library selection was well-meaning but white and because i went to a public school where we didn't learn about slavery or jim crow or reconstruction until middle school, and we didn't REALLY learn about it ever, this book, by a white woman, was one of my first encounters with the concept of race.
this book, which is about a white woman being better equipped than black women to tell their story twice over, both on-page and off.
this book, which serves as an instruction manual for white women on how to use their tears. (an unnecessary one, since we've always been fairly good at that, but one all the same.)
this book, of white saviordom and of black women as background and as supporting characters to white protagonists and as both nannies and mothers but only one role matters to the story.
this book, in which black women speak in dialect and white women (even the "white trash" ones) speak in unaccented grammatically perfect english.
this book, which begins and ends in the 1960s and yet is feel-good above all, attempting a "we're all people!" happy tone that ignores privilege and racism and what is to come in order to try on the kind of color-blind belief system that eases the existences of white people everywhere.
this book, an account of black women losing their jobs and livelihoods and white women becoming what they always dreamed of being.
how to begin to undo the impact this story had on my brain?
this is part of a series i'm doing in which i review books i read a long time ago and reveal my addiction to getting yelled at in comments...more
Like, you know how there are sometimes movies that are just objectively not good? I’m talking zero-percent onThis book is just straight-up really bad.
Like, you know how there are sometimes movies that are just objectively not good? I’m talking zero-percent on Rotten Tomatoes/has become a cult classic for how bad it is levels of awful.
It is fun to watch that type of movie and be like wow, look how bad this is! But there’s not really an equivalent to that phenomenon in books.
This little number comes pretty close to that. Except it doesn’t always land the “fun” part. But it is very very very bad and also dumb. It’s so dumb I reached out to scientists and had my number of brain cells tracked just so I could confirm to you all that it decreased significantly after I read this book.
I don’t even know how to convey just how bad this is. It’s like...you need to read it to understand. Here are some things that happen that may help your comprehension:
- The love interest’s credit card has the name “Xander Spence” on it, which is truly a shock considering no credit card on earth has a nickname on it and his birth certificate sure as sh*t doesn’t say his legal given name is “Xander” - Xander wears driving gloves, as if that is something a normal twenty-first century adolescent does - Our main character, Caymen (because lol of course) hears that her mother is going to have an ultrasound, and she, a near-adult female of (allegedly) sound mind, does not know what an ultrasound is - Caymen says, “We should toilet paper someone’s house,” and the response is, “Yes. We should TP someone’s house.” You know. How normal humans talk. - We get some fresh fresh not like other girls trope: Xander says, “You’re different, Caymen.” Caymen: “Different than what?” Xander: “Than any other girl I’ve met.” Because of course! - But wait, there’s more: “I hope I'm not turning into that girl, the one who daydreams about a guy she can never have.” Ah, yes, the classic girls-come-in-types conundrum! - Caymen picks up Xander’s phone when the girl she believes he is dating is calling. I don’t know why. I have no explanation for this. - Caymen is such a f*cking stupid name. Not even Cayman. I’m sorry, I just had to say that. - There’s a goddamn love triangle in this, as if things could get any worse. - Also emotional cheating, because things actually CAN get worse. Caymen thought they were cheating, but it’s actually fine because they weren’t! Cool! - Luckily, Caymen has the perfect justification for this behavior: “She probably can't make him laugh.” Phew! Sounds like the girl deserves to be cheated on! She hypothetically might not be as funny as you in your own imagination? A monster! - Fun little tidbits of writing like: “Is Scarlett going because I don’t know if I can put up with her this year?” - And: “The bartender points to the door off to the side from the stage when Skye gives him the questioning shoulder raise.” Ah, yes, the good ol’ questioning shoulder raise! - Pretty sure someone has the Chinese symbol for acceptance tattooed or some sh*t, which just...kill me - There’s my FAVORITE indication of very bad writing: the insta-friendship. Every time a girl pops up in a contemporary only to become the immediate BFF of our protagonist it reminds me of a Justin Bieber fanfiction from 2010 in which the love interest becomes best friends with Demi Lovato and Selena Gomez seconds after encountering them. Good times. Very bad writing.
Anyway. Caymen sucks and is mean and boring and annoying and stupid and Xander is the most spoiled weird annoying dumb rich kid of all time so they so totally deserve each other.
And this book is bad.
Bottom line: the last thing I expected was for this book to be evidence of Kasie West improving over the years, but here we are. ...more
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