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February 29 - April 1, 2024
Looking back, I see time and time again that decisions I made, impulses I followed, and the kind of men I was attracted to all stemmed from my not having a father.
It’s hard to believe she could have thought of herself as a good mother, but I guess narcissistic people don’t have much sense of what they are really like or how they make other people feel.
I no longer puzzle over why, throughout my life, I have left men who loved me and whom I loved in return. Nothing ever felt safe, and though it was unfair of me, it felt wiser to abandon them before they abandoned me.
What am I if no longer an ardent Catholic? An agnostic, I suppose, but I do believe in a mysterious force secretly in charge of our destiny, enabling us to make life bearable and keep moving even when times are tough. The end will turn out as it was always meant to be. Yes, from the beginning, we have nothing to do but wait.
We are not meant always to be happy, and who would want to be? Happiness would become meaningless if it were a constant state. If you accept that, then you will not be surprised when something bad occurs, you will not gnash your teeth and ask, “Why me? Why has this happened to me?”
