Bill Watterson > Quotes

“Calvin: Today for show and tell, I've brought a tiny miracle of nature: a single snowflake! I think we might all learn a lesson from how this utterly unique and exquisite crystal turns into an ordinary, boring molecule of water just like every other one when you bring it into the classroom.
And now, while the analogy sinks in, I will be leaving you drips and going outside...”
― bill watterson

“Hey Dad, will you buy me a flame thrower?

Of course not. Don't be silly.

Even if I didn't use it in the house?”
― Watterson Bill, Calvin and Hobbes

“As you can see, I have memorized this utterly useless piece of information long enough to pass a test question. I now intend to forget it forever. You’ve taught me nothing except how to cynically manipulate the system. Congratulations.”
― Bill Watterson

“It's a magical world, Hobbes, ol' buddy... Let's go exploring!”
― Bill Watterson, It's a Magical World

“Miss Wormwood: Calvin, your test was an absolute disgrace! It's obvious you haven't read any of the material. Our first president was not Chef Boy-Ar-Dee and you ought to be ashamed to have turned in such preposterous answers!
Calvin: I just don't test well.”
― Bill Watterson

“At school, new ideas are thrust at you every day. Out in the world, you'll have to find your inner motivation to seek for new ideas on your own.”
― Bill Watterson

“Childhood is for spoiling adulthood.”
― Bill Watterson, The Days Are Just Packed: Calvin & Hobbes Series: Book Twelve

“Happiness is being famous for your financial ability to indulge in every kind of excess.”
― Bill Watterson, The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes: A Calvin and Hobbes Treasury

“Everybody I know fails the acid test of friendship.”
― Bill Watterson, The Days Are Just Packed: Calvin & Hobbes Series: Book Twelve

“Often it takes some calamity to make us live in the present. Then suddenly we wake up and see all the mistakes we have made. ”
― Bill Watterson

“I'm crying because out there he's gone, but he's not gone inside me.”
― Bill Watterson

“Specifically, I’d like to debate whether cannibalism ought to be grounds for leniency in murders, since it’s less wasteful.”
― Bill Watterson

“Calvin: Dad where do babies come from?
Dad: Well Calvin, you simply go to Sears, buy the kit and follow the assembly instructions.
Calvin: I came from Sears?
Dad: No you were a blue-light special at K-Mart - almost as good and a lot cheaper!”
― Bill Waterson

“CALVIN:
Our hero regains consciousness at the feet of a sarcastic alien.”
― Bill Watterson

“Life is full of surprises, but never when you need one.”
― Bill Watterson

“Calvin is hammering nails into coffee table.
Mom: CALVIN WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO THE COFFEE TABLE?!?
Calvin: Is this some sort of trick question, or what?”
― Bill Watterson

“Blustery cold days should be spend propped up in bed with a mug of hot chocolate and a pile of comic books.”
― Bill Watterson, The Complete Calvin and Hobbes

“I'M SIGNIFICANT!!!
...
Say's the dust speck.”
― Bill Watterson, The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes: A Calvin and Hobbes Treasury

“The problem with people is that they're only human.”
― Bill Watterson

“Calvin:"It says here that 'religion is the opiate of the masses.'...what do you suppose that means?"
Television: "...it means that Karl Marx hadn't seen anything yet”
― Bill Watterson, Calvin and Hobbes: Sunday Pages, 1985-1995: An Exhibition Catalogue

“Hey Susie Derkins, is that your face, or is a 'possum stuck in your collar?”
― Bill Watterson, Calvin and Hobbes

“But Calvin is no kind and loving god! He's one of the old gods! He demands sacrifice!”
― Bill Watterson, The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes: A Calvin and Hobbes Treasury

“You never know when some crazed rodent with cold feet could be running loose in your pants.”
― Bill Watterson, Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat: A Calvin and Hobbes Collection

“I must follow the inscrutable exhortations of my soul.”
― Bill Watterson

“What's the point of wearing your favorite rocket ship underpants if nobody ever asks to see 'em?”
― Bill Watterson

“The way Calvin's brain is wired you can almost hear the fuses blowing.”
― Bill Watterson, The Complete Calvin and Hobbes

“I wonder where we go when we die?”
“⿒�Pittsburgh?”
“You mean if we’re good or if we’re bad?”
― Bill Watterson

“From now on I’ll connect the dots my own way.”
― Bill Watterson

“Even if lives did hang in the balance, it would depend on whose they were.”
― Bill Watterson

“[Calvin, who has the chicken pox, calls Susie on the telephone.]
Susie: Hello?
Calvin: Hi, Susie! It's me, Calvin! I was wondering if you'd like to come over and play.
Susie: Why, sure! Boy, I don't think you've ever invited me to...
Calvin's Mom: Calvin, what are you doing?
Calvin: Nothing, Mom. Go away.
Calvin's Mom: You're contagious! You can't have anyone over to play!
Calvin: Shhhh! Shhhh! You'll spoil the whole thing! I was going to trick Susie into catching... HEY! OW! LET GO!
Susie: [Hanging up the phone] Any chance of getting transferred, Dad?”
― Bill Watterson