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Patricia Wants to Cuddle
The contestants of a reality television dating show compete for love—and their lives—in this pulse-pounding and viciously funny fiction debut from the GLAAD Award-winning author of Real Queer America.
When the final four women in competition for an aloof, if somewhat sleazy, bachelor's heart arrive on a mysterious island in the Pacific Northwest, they mentally prepare themselves for another week of extreme sleep deprivation, invasive interviews, and of course, the salacious drama that viewers nationwide tune in to eagerly devour. Each woman came on 'The Catch' for her own reasons—brand sponsorships, followers, and yes, even love—and they've all got their eyes steadfastly trained on their respective prizes.
Enter Patricia, a temperamental, but woefully misunderstood local, living alone in the dark, verdant woods and desperate to forge a connection of her own. As the contestants perform for the cameras that surround them, Patricia watches from her place in the shadows, a queer specter haunting the bombastic display of heterosexuality before her. But when the cast and crew at last make her acquaintance atop the island's tallest and most desolate peak, they soon realize that if they're to have any hope of making it to the next Elimination Event, they'll first have to survive the night.
A whirlwind romp careening toward a last-girl-standing conclusion and a scathing indictment of contemporary American media culture, Patricia Wants to Cuddle is also a love story: between star-crossed lesbians who rise above their intolerant town, a deeply ambivalent woman and her budding self-actualization, and a chosen family of misfit islanders forging community against all odds.
When the final four women in competition for an aloof, if somewhat sleazy, bachelor's heart arrive on a mysterious island in the Pacific Northwest, they mentally prepare themselves for another week of extreme sleep deprivation, invasive interviews, and of course, the salacious drama that viewers nationwide tune in to eagerly devour. Each woman came on 'The Catch' for her own reasons—brand sponsorships, followers, and yes, even love—and they've all got their eyes steadfastly trained on their respective prizes.
Enter Patricia, a temperamental, but woefully misunderstood local, living alone in the dark, verdant woods and desperate to forge a connection of her own. As the contestants perform for the cameras that surround them, Patricia watches from her place in the shadows, a queer specter haunting the bombastic display of heterosexuality before her. But when the cast and crew at last make her acquaintance atop the island's tallest and most desolate peak, they soon realize that if they're to have any hope of making it to the next Elimination Event, they'll first have to survive the night.
A whirlwind romp careening toward a last-girl-standing conclusion and a scathing indictment of contemporary American media culture, Patricia Wants to Cuddle is also a love story: between star-crossed lesbians who rise above their intolerant town, a deeply ambivalent woman and her budding self-actualization, and a chosen family of misfit islanders forging community against all odds.
256 pages, Hardcover
First published June 28, 2022
631 people are currently reading
44359 people want to read
About the author
Samantha Allen
6 books499 followersSamantha Allen is the author of the horror comedy novel PATRICIA WANTS TO CUDDLE (Zando, 2022) and the Lambda Literary Award finalist REAL QUEER AMERICA: LGBT STORIES FROM RED STATES (Little, Brown, 2019). Her other publications include LOVE & ESTROGEN (Amazon Original Stories, 2018) and M to WT(F) (Audible Originals, 2020).
She is a GLAAD Award-winning journalist with bylines in The New York Times, CNN, Rolling Stone, and more. She received her Ph.D. in Women's, Gender, and Sexuality Studies from Emory University in 2015 and has two hairless cats.
She is a GLAAD Award-winning journalist with bylines in The New York Times, CNN, Rolling Stone, and more. She received her Ph.D. in Women's, Gender, and Sexuality Studies from Emory University in 2015 and has two hairless cats.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 4,839 reviews
April 11, 2025
This is one of those “3 stars but I highly recommend it” books — easy reading, bingeable, campy horror.
Think: reality TV dating show, influencers in the wild, remote island, blood and gore, lesbian big-foot. Yeah.
Thoroughly enjoyed and absolutely plowed through it in one sitting. Bring back being silly!!!!
Think: reality TV dating show, influencers in the wild, remote island, blood and gore, lesbian big-foot. Yeah.
Thoroughly enjoyed and absolutely plowed through it in one sitting. Bring back being silly!!!!
October 2, 2022
3 stars but I wouldn't hesitate to recommend this one to others. If you enjoyed both Libba Bray's Beauty Queens back in the day, and Kiersten White's most recent novel, Hide—this could definitely be for you. I had quite the jolly time reading this, but it did leave me wanting a little more. Once it got good, it just kind of ended. I rarely say this because I love short "horror," but I needed 100 more pages.
June 8, 2025
i want to read everything that's like nothing i've ever read
(picking this up for a in which i let you guys choose my reads)
(review to come)
(picking this up for a in which i let you guys choose my reads)
(review to come)
April 15, 2022
THIS WAS INSANE IN THE BEst wAY I AM OBSESSED
August 10, 2022
…what?
I don’t know how to write a review for this without filling it with spoilers, but I’ll say that what started as a pretty clear (albeit unusual) plot unraveled into a tangled mess around the 50% mark. How can you make me not like a lesbian horror Sasquatch story? I was so excited. Gah!
And wtf was with Renee? I feel like she’s the only character we are supposed to support, and I wanted to because of various things like her dealing with complete bs and racism as the only Black woman on a reality television program, but she was the actual worst and kind of insane. And maybe a sociopath? At the very least, disconnected. I hated her more than all the other characters I was supposed to..I think (there isn’t really much to root for tbh and I wasn’t totally clear if that was intentional).
All of the character interactions and drama and connections felt completely pointless. At some points it felt like there was going to be some sort of development or greater understanding, but it just got thrown into the chaotic dumpster fire that made up the many half baked elements of this story. And I get that the male suitor is supposed to be a prop and is manufactured chauvinistic garbage, but once again ANY character development would be helpful. He was so flat and unoriginal.
Last but not least-the inclusion of the letters and blog posts really contributed nothing of value to the book. They weren’t interesting and I know at the end it becomes relevant, but there was barely a mystery element and at that point I didn’t even care, and because none of the characters in question were really developed, almost felt irrelevant
I don’t know how to write a review for this without filling it with spoilers, but I’ll say that what started as a pretty clear (albeit unusual) plot unraveled into a tangled mess around the 50% mark. How can you make me not like a lesbian horror Sasquatch story? I was so excited. Gah!
And wtf was with Renee? I feel like she’s the only character we are supposed to support, and I wanted to because of various things like her dealing with complete bs and racism as the only Black woman on a reality television program, but she was the actual worst and kind of insane. And maybe a sociopath? At the very least, disconnected. I hated her more than all the other characters I was supposed to..I think (there isn’t really much to root for tbh and I wasn’t totally clear if that was intentional).
All of the character interactions and drama and connections felt completely pointless. At some points it felt like there was going to be some sort of development or greater understanding, but it just got thrown into the chaotic dumpster fire that made up the many half baked elements of this story. And I get that the male suitor is supposed to be a prop and is manufactured chauvinistic garbage, but once again ANY character development would be helpful. He was so flat and unoriginal.
Last but not least-the inclusion of the letters and blog posts really contributed nothing of value to the book. They weren’t interesting and I know at the end it becomes relevant, but there was barely a mystery element and at that point I didn’t even care, and because none of the characters in question were really developed, almost felt irrelevant
July 14, 2022
Note: after hearing the audio version, I changed my rating to 5 stars. 5 stars shouldn't be reserved for Shakespeare, for Toni Morrison, for Elizabeth Strout. 5 stars means the book is among the very best in its genre; Patricia Wants to Cuddle is among the best humorous novels being published this century.
A further note: this is the first time I can recall an audio book making a narrative easier to follow rather than harder. The presence of multiple, very skilled readers (Cindy Kay, Justis Bolding, Laura Knight Keating, Susan Bennett, and Jasmin Walker) makes it easier to tell the Catch contestants apart.
It is great to encounter my favorite parts a second time; within the last twenty percent of the book, the figurative language involving a weathervane and a turkey absolutely slay me.
Below is my original review.
________________________________________
“You have to watch out for the quiet ones.”
I had an ugly upper respiratory flu, and this excellent novel was exactly what the doctor ordered. My thanks go to Net Galley, Recorded Books, and Zando Publishing for the review copy. Patricia Wants to Cuddle will be available to the public Tuesday, June 28.
As the story begins, we are midway through filming “The Catch,” which is a reality television show similar to “The Bachelor.” Our cast includes the four lucky women to have made it this far; producer Casey; a handful of crew members; and oh dear, Jeremy, a scuzz bucket if ever there was one. Jeremy is this season’s catch. We also have a handful of locals, since we are filming on location; included is a bashful cryptid in the woods, a lonely creature that reacts very badly to stressful situations. As you may guess, Patricia is that cryptid.
These people are on Otter Island, a fictional addition to the San Juan Islands off the coast of Washington State. Think deep woods, rain, and glamping. And…what the hell was that, just now? Too big to be a bear. And why are the sheep so agitated?
Baaaaa.
The contestants are mostly not interested in love; they are interested in publicity, for various reasons of their own. The shooting schedule leaves them sleep deprived on an almost permanent basis, and so given the premise of the show—competition, not cooperation—it doesn’t take long for the women to turn on one another.
Samantha Allen is new to me, but she’s on my radar now. This story is snicker-worthy at the outset, and by the time we reach the climax, I am howling with laughter. Part of the joy comes from the plot and pacing, but the biggest laughs for me are those that combine these outrageous events with some of the funniest figurative language I have ever read. In fact, were I to rate this story solely on its humor, without rating the more traditional elements such as character development, this would be a five star read.
This book will appeal most to those that lean to the left.
Recommended to those that love darkly hilarious fiction.
A further note: this is the first time I can recall an audio book making a narrative easier to follow rather than harder. The presence of multiple, very skilled readers (Cindy Kay, Justis Bolding, Laura Knight Keating, Susan Bennett, and Jasmin Walker) makes it easier to tell the Catch contestants apart.
It is great to encounter my favorite parts a second time; within the last twenty percent of the book, the figurative language involving a weathervane and a turkey absolutely slay me.
Below is my original review.
________________________________________
“You have to watch out for the quiet ones.”
I had an ugly upper respiratory flu, and this excellent novel was exactly what the doctor ordered. My thanks go to Net Galley, Recorded Books, and Zando Publishing for the review copy. Patricia Wants to Cuddle will be available to the public Tuesday, June 28.
As the story begins, we are midway through filming “The Catch,” which is a reality television show similar to “The Bachelor.” Our cast includes the four lucky women to have made it this far; producer Casey; a handful of crew members; and oh dear, Jeremy, a scuzz bucket if ever there was one. Jeremy is this season’s catch. We also have a handful of locals, since we are filming on location; included is a bashful cryptid in the woods, a lonely creature that reacts very badly to stressful situations. As you may guess, Patricia is that cryptid.
These people are on Otter Island, a fictional addition to the San Juan Islands off the coast of Washington State. Think deep woods, rain, and glamping. And…what the hell was that, just now? Too big to be a bear. And why are the sheep so agitated?
Baaaaa.
The contestants are mostly not interested in love; they are interested in publicity, for various reasons of their own. The shooting schedule leaves them sleep deprived on an almost permanent basis, and so given the premise of the show—competition, not cooperation—it doesn’t take long for the women to turn on one another.
Samantha Allen is new to me, but she’s on my radar now. This story is snicker-worthy at the outset, and by the time we reach the climax, I am howling with laughter. Part of the joy comes from the plot and pacing, but the biggest laughs for me are those that combine these outrageous events with some of the funniest figurative language I have ever read. In fact, were I to rate this story solely on its humor, without rating the more traditional elements such as character development, this would be a five star read.
This book will appeal most to those that lean to the left.
Recommended to those that love darkly hilarious fiction.
February 21, 2024
Okay but this was so cute in the end 😭 grisly but sweet.
It does have a slow start, but the audiobook was fun to listen to.
It does have a slow start, but the audiobook was fun to listen to.
June 30, 2022
2.75 stars
Please. Someone. Anyone. Tell me how I’m supposed to possibly rate this book. I’m not quite sure what I just even read. Did The Bachelor and King Kong mate and produce a 230 page offspring? What is even happening? What am I reading??? Help. Me.
Please. Someone. Anyone. Tell me how I’m supposed to possibly rate this book. I’m not quite sure what I just even read. Did The Bachelor and King Kong mate and produce a 230 page offspring? What is even happening? What am I reading??? Help. Me.
August 27, 2022
Maybe 3.5?
Alternating perspectives between women on or working on a dating reality tv show, a silly comedy about onset drama turns into a grisly horror as some mountain lesbians get involved. I felt like the pacing was off at points but the characters and their dynamics were interesting, if not explored in depth. A solid weird horror about the authenticity of intimacy and wildness in strange places amidst the ruthless drive of social media and tv’s panopticon commodifying human relationships.
Alternating perspectives between women on or working on a dating reality tv show, a silly comedy about onset drama turns into a grisly horror as some mountain lesbians get involved. I felt like the pacing was off at points but the characters and their dynamics were interesting, if not explored in depth. A solid weird horror about the authenticity of intimacy and wildness in strange places amidst the ruthless drive of social media and tv’s panopticon commodifying human relationships.
August 31, 2022
Not to be rude but literally what was this book
August 19, 2022
3.5 stars. This was absolutely fucking bizarre in the best way. Truly just..... the wildest lmao
CW: homophobia, death of a loved one, cancer, abortion, drowning
CW: homophobia, death of a loved one, cancer, abortion, drowning
September 8, 2022
I’m showing my age tonight but I remember in the 90s three or four hikers went missing there. All of them young women. It was national news for about a month and then everyone forgot about it, sort of like that Malaysian airplane that vanished into thin air a couple years back. People got pretty obsessive about it. Had all kinds of crackpot theories. Serial killers. Alien abductions. Lesbian witches. But mostly it just made people cancel their travel plans. One bad summer is all it takes to dislodge a seasonal destination like that.
It’s down to the final four on this season’s The Catch and you know what that means? DESTINATION DATE TIME! Follow along as the ladies vie for the attention of eligible bachelor (and scuzzoid) Jeremy.
This was a fun little palate cleanser that would probably work a lot better for fans of the Bachelor/Bachelorette franchises than it did for me. I wanted less of the T.V. show content and more of the decapitating of the participants. As for Patricia, however? You go girl!
It’s down to the final four on this season’s The Catch and you know what that means? DESTINATION DATE TIME! Follow along as the ladies vie for the attention of eligible bachelor (and scuzzoid) Jeremy.
This was a fun little palate cleanser that would probably work a lot better for fans of the Bachelor/Bachelorette franchises than it did for me. I wanted less of the T.V. show content and more of the decapitating of the participants. As for Patricia, however? You go girl!
February 26, 2022
This is all over the place bananas and I mean that as a compliment.
Set in a Bachelor-style reality show where 4 women are competing for the interest of a mediocre man, there are lots of behind the scenes UnREAL-style vibes. It's biting and funny and also somehow sympathetic towards everyone. When filming takes the final contestants to a small island past its prime where women have previously gone missing, things take a turn.
It takes a while for the plot to build so I'm sure some readers will be very surprised by just how big a turn it is. But I am a huge fan of a big turn and I was all in. The cover is kind of a giveaway (as is the title, in its own weird way) but that really doesn't spoil any of the fun. It's too bad sometimes people have to die, the book shrugs, as any good slasher-style horror does.
The ending wraps up too quickly for me, I really wanted more of the side plot that had been woven in through blog posts and other pieces to finally play out fully.
This is such a fun debut novel, I'd read Allen's nonfiction about LGBTQ+ people in rural America and enjoyed it a lot, but I was so delighted by how bonkers this book is.
Set in a Bachelor-style reality show where 4 women are competing for the interest of a mediocre man, there are lots of behind the scenes UnREAL-style vibes. It's biting and funny and also somehow sympathetic towards everyone. When filming takes the final contestants to a small island past its prime where women have previously gone missing, things take a turn.
It takes a while for the plot to build so I'm sure some readers will be very surprised by just how big a turn it is. But I am a huge fan of a big turn and I was all in. The cover is kind of a giveaway (as is the title, in its own weird way) but that really doesn't spoil any of the fun. It's too bad sometimes people have to die, the book shrugs, as any good slasher-style horror does.
The ending wraps up too quickly for me, I really wanted more of the side plot that had been woven in through blog posts and other pieces to finally play out fully.
This is such a fun debut novel, I'd read Allen's nonfiction about LGBTQ+ people in rural America and enjoyed it a lot, but I was so delighted by how bonkers this book is.
July 3, 2022
Well speaking of plot twists...
It takes a while for the story to build and to become interesting but it somehow transformed from a boring, clichéd reality tv show with superficial, annoying people to a thriller/horror/bizarre and very graphic mess?!
What lacked for me was more background on the side plot, the other minor characters and their backstories, how and why they ended up on the same island to begin with, and more background on Patricia. The ending felt very rushed and overall I was left with more questions than I can possibly address without revealing any spoilers...
It takes a while for the story to build and to become interesting but it somehow transformed from a boring, clichéd reality tv show with superficial, annoying people to a thriller/horror/bizarre and very graphic mess?!
What lacked for me was more background on the side plot, the other minor characters and their backstories, how and why they ended up on the same island to begin with, and more background on Patricia. The ending felt very rushed and overall I was left with more questions than I can possibly address without revealing any spoilers...
August 16, 2022
i'm shocked at how hard this flopped.. every character was a flat caricature, the story was trying to do too many things in less than 250 pages, and half the jokes in this Viciously Funny book were just about the host of the show having alcoholism. in my opinion allen didn't pull off any aspect of the premise, and i really couldn't wait for the book to be over. my biggest letdown of the year so far
April 16, 2025
maybe 3.75.. had HUGE potential to be a five; fast paced, compulsively readable, interesting characters / dynamics, so damn fun. but i wanted it to push farther into what it was doing- more campy, more slasher, more weird, more LESBIAN! and i also wanted it to say something. thoroughly enjoyable and easy reading experience though
June 21, 2022
In a Bachelor meets X-Files mashup, 4 final contestants travel to an island hoping they’ll be picked as the winning love match (& yeah ok, a boost in their many companies and products they’re peddling) in the latest season of a popular reality dating show. However, soon these women find that the island is not as it seems, and the game afoot is not a play for a final rose, but for lonely island resident, Patricia.
I’m down for quirky, cooky reads, even those full of saccharine and satire, but this was just….I’m not even sure what. It never felt like the plot was fleshed out, I can’t really tell what the point of anything was — even all the social commentary on reality tv and marketing and Instagram likes. Are some of the characters queer? Sure, but not all and romance doesn’t really fit into this one so ultimately I’m not sure where and how to classify this. It all just felt really messy and not in a ‘method to the madness’ type of way.
The bachelor aspect and mystery / campy side never really met smoothly or transition well from on to the other, it’s all very abrupt. It felt like a few key chapters were actually cut entirely in the middle as the plot flows from the contestants competing on the show, to what happens once they’re on the island. Also, given the short length of this book and the alternating POVs, I didn’t feel like a got any sense for the women other than something very superficial. This could have been interesting and sharp, sadly it left me feeling muddled.
I’m down for quirky, cooky reads, even those full of saccharine and satire, but this was just….I’m not even sure what. It never felt like the plot was fleshed out, I can’t really tell what the point of anything was — even all the social commentary on reality tv and marketing and Instagram likes. Are some of the characters queer? Sure, but not all and romance doesn’t really fit into this one so ultimately I’m not sure where and how to classify this. It all just felt really messy and not in a ‘method to the madness’ type of way.
The bachelor aspect and mystery / campy side never really met smoothly or transition well from on to the other, it’s all very abrupt. It felt like a few key chapters were actually cut entirely in the middle as the plot flows from the contestants competing on the show, to what happens once they’re on the island. Also, given the short length of this book and the alternating POVs, I didn’t feel like a got any sense for the women other than something very superficial. This could have been interesting and sharp, sadly it left me feeling muddled.
June 26, 2022
Ooooh this was a fun one. A reality dating show (think The Bachelor) cuts some corners and saves some dollars by filming in a remote wooded island. But when contestants and crew start going missing, reality television starts getting unreal real quick. Apparently we're in bigfoot territory. This story is so wild. It's one of those that if you explain it to someone they're going to look at you like you're crazy. But I LOVED it. I should note that I absolutely fall in the target audience... the kind that eyerolls at the sameness in this social media driven world as if we are just one big algorithm of and all the young'uns who are hashtagging their way through their best, most authentic life. You want authentic? It's coming for you!
Thank you to NetGalley and RB Media for complimentary access to the audiobook edition for review purposes. The listening experience was phenomenal as the book is read by a full cast of talented voice actors. Recommend! This title releases June 28, 2022.
Thank you to NetGalley and RB Media for complimentary access to the audiobook edition for review purposes. The listening experience was phenomenal as the book is read by a full cast of talented voice actors. Recommend! This title releases June 28, 2022.
June 29, 2022
... uhm.
i read tons of weird shit, but this was completely nonsensical (and not in an intelligent way). there were so many ideas happening that didn't interlock-- it felt like i was reading three different books. and the ending. wtf?
i'm kind of in love the idea of a lesbian Sasquatch (i've been waiting for this book for months and read it the day it came out) but am disappointed at how it was pulled off. maybe i'm missing something. i'm not sure. i understand that it's satire, but so much of the story just doesn't seem to have a point?
these are my main gripes (some minor spoilers included, so beware):
1) the love story did not make sense-- why were the letters included at all?-- and had nothing to do with the actual plotline. a good half of the book plays as an introduction for a character who is NEVER. INTRODUCED.
2) were some of the characters queer? yeah. but it's never expanded. like, one of the characters has a crush on another, and it seems like it's building to something but it just... never does? i love books that don't center a character's entire identity around their queerness, but, in this case, it wasn't done well.
3) the titular main villain is not a part of the story til the last third. why.
this can be consolidated into one main issue: there are so many unexplained avenues this book takes. i thought that they were all going to add up in the end like an "a-ha!" moment, but they don't. so... what is the point then.
i'll probably read another one of her books because i feel like there's a whole bunch of potential in her writing, but it was executed poorly here.
i read tons of weird shit, but this was completely nonsensical (and not in an intelligent way). there were so many ideas happening that didn't interlock-- it felt like i was reading three different books. and the ending. wtf?
i'm kind of in love the idea of a lesbian Sasquatch (i've been waiting for this book for months and read it the day it came out) but am disappointed at how it was pulled off. maybe i'm missing something. i'm not sure. i understand that it's satire, but so much of the story just doesn't seem to have a point?
these are my main gripes (some minor spoilers included, so beware):
1) the love story did not make sense-- why were the letters included at all?-- and had nothing to do with the actual plotline. a good half of the book plays as an introduction for a character who is NEVER. INTRODUCED.
2) were some of the characters queer? yeah. but it's never expanded. like, one of the characters has a crush on another, and it seems like it's building to something but it just... never does? i love books that don't center a character's entire identity around their queerness, but, in this case, it wasn't done well.
3) the titular main villain is not a part of the story til the last third. why.
this can be consolidated into one main issue: there are so many unexplained avenues this book takes. i thought that they were all going to add up in the end like an "a-ha!" moment, but they don't. so... what is the point then.
i'll probably read another one of her books because i feel like there's a whole bunch of potential in her writing, but it was executed poorly here.
March 26, 2023
so here's a summary:
🦍 alka and i exchanged like ten messages about this book - so as you can see a lot of thoughts were being had and the plot stimulated a lot of heated discussions
🦍 i took a walk and saw a donkey!!!! 🫏
🦍 i fell asleep while reading 😐
🦍 alka spent 3h eating chicken masala and somehow managed to lose her phone while doing this (i am still unclear about the details)
🦍 if you expected a summary of the book, idk what to tell you. i neither know nor do i care about what happened
🦍 books about reality shows SUCK
🦍 also Patricia was barely in there!!!!!!!!!
🦍 2 stars. i'm still tired but i made burritos
read as part of 202-Queer 🌈✨
🦍 alka and i exchanged like ten messages about this book - so as you can see a lot of thoughts were being had and the plot stimulated a lot of heated discussions
🦍 i took a walk and saw a donkey!!!! 🫏
🦍 i fell asleep while reading 😐
🦍 alka spent 3h eating chicken masala and somehow managed to lose her phone while doing this (i am still unclear about the details)
🦍 if you expected a summary of the book, idk what to tell you. i neither know nor do i care about what happened
🦍 books about reality shows SUCK
🦍 also Patricia was barely in there!!!!!!!!!
🦍 2 stars. i'm still tired but i made burritos
read as part of 202-Queer 🌈✨
August 15, 2024
I listened to the audiobook which is narrated by a full cast to accommodate the ensemble of characters.
Give this book a shot when you’re in the mood for:
-Stories centered around a reality TV show. In this case, The Catch (The Bachelor)
-Mixed media format with a real-time narrative, fan message boards, and love letters
-dark humor and witty social commentary around reality tv and social media (Glamsta-Pic instead of Instagram
-books set in the PNW
-Queer representation (lesbian romance)
-cryptids (The Legend of Bigfoot/Sasquatch)
-Horror with heart
-Gruesome blood and gore
-people getting picked off one by one
This was a great time! I had fun
Give this book a shot when you’re in the mood for:
-Stories centered around a reality TV show. In this case, The Catch (The Bachelor)
-Mixed media format with a real-time narrative, fan message boards, and love letters
-dark humor and witty social commentary around reality tv and social media (Glamsta-Pic instead of Instagram
-books set in the PNW
-Queer representation (lesbian romance)
-cryptids (The Legend of Bigfoot/Sasquatch)
-Horror with heart
-Gruesome blood and gore
-people getting picked off one by one
This was a great time! I had fun
July 18, 2022
One of the dangers of writing satire is that if you don’t do a very sharp and clear job of it, the book ends up being nothing more than another example of the thing you were trying to satirize.
Such is the unfortunate case here, where a horror satire of reality tv reads…basically like reality tv.
This needed to be a lot smarter and a lot funnier in order to achieve the desired premise. Instead it’s just a combination of The Bachelor and Survivor that fails to realize it isn’t in on its own joke.
Rather than seeming to poke fun at its own subject, the book merely inhabits it. If you’re a big reality tv fan, that will probably work fine for you. For me (by no stretch a fan of this type of tv programming), the story is a huge miss.
I also don’t love the use of a protagonist whose entire identity is largely about being sanctimonious about the very reality tv program she is seeking to benefit from. While I share her opinions on the shallow tedium of it, all the sneering toward something she’s seeking to use to serve her own agenda doesn’t make her particularly likable. There’s some nuance possible in this type of portrayal that could have worked successfully, but the writing here isn’t that sophisticated.
And the supernatural element of this (as well as the big reveal that accompanies it) was just…
Audiobook Readers: The narrator here does a fine job and the plot works fine for this medium, but neither of those things can rescue this book from lacking the smarts and the humor that it needed to achieve its desire effect.
*I received an ARC of this book in exchange for an honest review.*
Such is the unfortunate case here, where a horror satire of reality tv reads…basically like reality tv.
This needed to be a lot smarter and a lot funnier in order to achieve the desired premise. Instead it’s just a combination of The Bachelor and Survivor that fails to realize it isn’t in on its own joke.
Rather than seeming to poke fun at its own subject, the book merely inhabits it. If you’re a big reality tv fan, that will probably work fine for you. For me (by no stretch a fan of this type of tv programming), the story is a huge miss.
I also don’t love the use of a protagonist whose entire identity is largely about being sanctimonious about the very reality tv program she is seeking to benefit from. While I share her opinions on the shallow tedium of it, all the sneering toward something she’s seeking to use to serve her own agenda doesn’t make her particularly likable. There’s some nuance possible in this type of portrayal that could have worked successfully, but the writing here isn’t that sophisticated.
And the supernatural element of this (as well as the big reveal that accompanies it) was just…
Audiobook Readers: The narrator here does a fine job and the plot works fine for this medium, but neither of those things can rescue this book from lacking the smarts and the humor that it needed to achieve its desire effect.
*I received an ARC of this book in exchange for an honest review.*
April 16, 2022
A gloriously bonkers book. Patricia Wants to Cuddle begins as a satire on reality shows and media culture, and ends as a campy slasher, in the best way possible. Don’t expect happy endings for every character, but do expect unapologetic weirdness and surprisingly tender sapphic love letters.
[Thank you to Zando for providing an ARC!]
[Thank you to Zando for providing an ARC!]
January 13, 2024
such a fun ride. it's entertaining and cleverly satirical until the shit hits the fan and it turns wildly violent, gory, and thrilling!
the pacing is a lil uneven, but i was engrossed by the shifting POVs and the writing style. watching a dating show is like eating junk food, and reading about a fictional one is just as delicious. even better because of the much-needed dose of criticism of these silly shows which seem to be experiencing a renaissance.
when things turn strange, i really appreciate that not everything is fully spelled out.
this book is bizarre, but not unhinged. it's really a lovely lil story. protect lesbian bigfoot at any cost 💜
the pacing is a lil uneven, but i was engrossed by the shifting POVs and the writing style. watching a dating show is like eating junk food, and reading about a fictional one is just as delicious. even better because of the much-needed dose of criticism of these silly shows which seem to be experiencing a renaissance.
when things turn strange, i really appreciate that not everything is fully spelled out.
this book is bizarre, but not unhinged. it's really a lovely lil story. protect lesbian bigfoot at any cost 💜
May 21, 2022
"A snake doesn’t have to be tall to be deadly. All the better to slip unassumingly through the grass and deliver its venom."
One of my favorite books this year!!
This was a book that I went back and forth on. It was the classic he loves me, he loves me not scenario. But this time it was all about do I read or don't I read. We can all see what my decision was and I don't regret a thing.
What really stood out to me was the cover. I mean, look at it. It screams read me. Plus it possibly has one of the best book covers of the year. What kind of held me back was the Bachelor-esque show that takes place in this book. I'm not a big fan of those types of shows and it hovered over my head like a dark cloud as I was making my final decision. I finally didn't let that stop me from having a good time.
This book was not what I was expecting at all and it was fantastic. Perhaps one of the most eccentric books that I have ever read. Parts were really funny and bizarre. And when I say bizarre, I mean way off in left field bizarre. Bizarre in a way where I loved it the more I thought about it. Even the dating show parts were hilarious. Every damn thing about this was pure love insanity. Totally worth the read.
Patricia Wants to Cuddle was an amazingly fun read. This is one that I'm still thinking about even after I finished it and I love it more with each passing day. This book is one you don't want to pass up on. You'll regret it if you do.
Won't someone just hug Patricia!?
One of my favorite books this year!!
This was a book that I went back and forth on. It was the classic he loves me, he loves me not scenario. But this time it was all about do I read or don't I read. We can all see what my decision was and I don't regret a thing.
What really stood out to me was the cover. I mean, look at it. It screams read me. Plus it possibly has one of the best book covers of the year. What kind of held me back was the Bachelor-esque show that takes place in this book. I'm not a big fan of those types of shows and it hovered over my head like a dark cloud as I was making my final decision. I finally didn't let that stop me from having a good time.
This book was not what I was expecting at all and it was fantastic. Perhaps one of the most eccentric books that I have ever read. Parts were really funny and bizarre. And when I say bizarre, I mean way off in left field bizarre. Bizarre in a way where I loved it the more I thought about it. Even the dating show parts were hilarious. Every damn thing about this was pure love insanity. Totally worth the read.
Patricia Wants to Cuddle was an amazingly fun read. This is one that I'm still thinking about even after I finished it and I love it more with each passing day. This book is one you don't want to pass up on. You'll regret it if you do.
Won't someone just hug Patricia!?
September 5, 2022
2.5 rounded down
not sure what this book really wanted to be but for a horror-comedy it felt mean-spirited in its attempt to make some shallow point about Society These Days and The Performative Spectacle Of Heterosexuality--a shallow point that the author still felt the need to hand-hold her audience through (a personal pet peeve of mine).
quick read at least, despite the mess
not sure what this book really wanted to be but for a horror-comedy it felt mean-spirited in its attempt to make some shallow point about Society These Days and The Performative Spectacle Of Heterosexuality--a shallow point that the author still felt the need to hand-hold her audience through (a personal pet peeve of mine).
quick read at least, despite the mess
August 2, 2022
The synopsis calls Patricia Wants to Cuddle “a whirlwind romp.” I must have missed something because those aren’t the words I’d use to describe this story at all.
First of all, it’s horror. Fairly graphic horror. But you won’t know that until you’ve already endured roughly 70% of a slow build that introduces you to some of the most superficial people you could possibly ever meet. Of course, this is a campy read, so superficial fits, but when I spend over half the book getting to know characters, I think it’s fair to expect some nuance. Expectations were not met.
Speaking of campy and unmet expectations - to me, a campy read should make me laugh. It shouldn’t annoy me. I shouldn’t regularly cringe over how obnoxious the characters are. I should laugh. I did not laugh.
I did like that the story illustrated the performative nature of reality shows, influencers (and I say this knowing I’m a part of the book influencer community), and religion. Actually, it makes a statement about everything being performative and, yeah, I get it. Society is so damn frustrating. If this were solely meant to be social commentary on all of that, if I hadn’t spent almost the entire book waiting for a giant Sasquatch to make her appearance, maybe I would have liked this a bit more. And even though I do often feel like an outsider looking in, standing on my own little island, I don’t think everyone else is disposable. So I’m not exactly sure what the message was supposed to be here. Or, if it was what it sounded like to me, I am not sure that I liked all that the message conveyed.
The book is well written, but the storytelling lacked any real sense of direction. I think it could have been something great if either A) Patricia’s presence in the story had been more prominent or B) Patricia had simply never been a plot device in the story at all. Plus, give me characters who aren’t caricatures. Making me hate them still doesn’t make me want to see them die. I simply wasn’t a fan of how the author chose to execute her idea.
I am immensely grateful to RB Media and NetGalley for my audio review copy. All opinions are my own.
First of all, it’s horror. Fairly graphic horror. But you won’t know that until you’ve already endured roughly 70% of a slow build that introduces you to some of the most superficial people you could possibly ever meet. Of course, this is a campy read, so superficial fits, but when I spend over half the book getting to know characters, I think it’s fair to expect some nuance. Expectations were not met.
Speaking of campy and unmet expectations - to me, a campy read should make me laugh. It shouldn’t annoy me. I shouldn’t regularly cringe over how obnoxious the characters are. I should laugh. I did not laugh.
I did like that the story illustrated the performative nature of reality shows, influencers (and I say this knowing I’m a part of the book influencer community), and religion. Actually, it makes a statement about everything being performative and, yeah, I get it. Society is so damn frustrating. If this were solely meant to be social commentary on all of that, if I hadn’t spent almost the entire book waiting for a giant Sasquatch to make her appearance, maybe I would have liked this a bit more. And even though I do often feel like an outsider looking in, standing on my own little island, I don’t think everyone else is disposable. So I’m not exactly sure what the message was supposed to be here. Or, if it was what it sounded like to me, I am not sure that I liked all that the message conveyed.
The book is well written, but the storytelling lacked any real sense of direction. I think it could have been something great if either A) Patricia’s presence in the story had been more prominent or B) Patricia had simply never been a plot device in the story at all. Plus, give me characters who aren’t caricatures. Making me hate them still doesn’t make me want to see them die. I simply wasn’t a fan of how the author chose to execute her idea.
I am immensely grateful to RB Media and NetGalley for my audio review copy. All opinions are my own.
dnf
June 19, 2025The seed of an okay idea executed horrendously. I can usually put up with middling prose and even lacklustre characters if the plot has legs but one thing I cannot, SHALL NOT, with God as my witness, tolerate, is bad comedy. Reading this was like having a friend show you a video they say is funny and when you watch it it’s the least funny thing you’ve ever seen, and you have to stand there, face aching, pretending you’re not mentally getting your affairs in order. An asymptote of humour where the curve plummets into negative infinity. Do not come to my town.
Read
March 16, 2024Patricia Wants to Cuddle has one of the best horror novel titles of all time. The blurb explains that our protagonist, Renee, is one of four finalists on a Bachelor-esque reality show called The Catch, and the catch in question is a tech bro named Jeremy. So, who is Patricia? The question sends shivers down the spine! As it turns out, the season finale of The Catch is being filmed on an island where people have been known to go missing.
My full thoughts:
My full thoughts:
July 14, 2022
This is a bland book, I truly don't know why I bothered with it until the end. The only thing it had going for it was the suspense of the story, I wanted to find out what happened in the end.
I feel the story needs improvement in the depth of it characters, and descriptive nature of setting scenes etc. It felt more like the author was rushing to put the story into words, but didn't spend the time setting the scene or the characters.
The story is something like the TV series "The Bachelor". In this case the contestants are on a reality TV Show called "The Catch" where single women, go on dates with one man and at the end of the show he chooses one of these women to be his "wife".
There are multiple narrators for the novel, each narrator is for a different character which is well done, or it would have been hard to follow otherwise.
Each women is competing for Jeremy's attention, but in reality they all have their reasons to be on the show, whether it be to promote their own business, gain more followers on social media, or even just to go on an all expenses paid holiday.
When the contestants go to a remote island to go glamping, one night all hell brakes loose. One of the ladies goes missing, then there is a loud metallic bang heard that can be heard across the whole island, which could possibly be a car accident. More people start to go missing, and the island is not as it seems.
Thankyou to Netgalley, RB Media and Recorded Books for my advanced audio copy in exchange for my honest review.
Please visit my Facebook page and blog to see all of my past and future book reviews.
I feel the story needs improvement in the depth of it characters, and descriptive nature of setting scenes etc. It felt more like the author was rushing to put the story into words, but didn't spend the time setting the scene or the characters.
The story is something like the TV series "The Bachelor". In this case the contestants are on a reality TV Show called "The Catch" where single women, go on dates with one man and at the end of the show he chooses one of these women to be his "wife".
There are multiple narrators for the novel, each narrator is for a different character which is well done, or it would have been hard to follow otherwise.
Each women is competing for Jeremy's attention, but in reality they all have their reasons to be on the show, whether it be to promote their own business, gain more followers on social media, or even just to go on an all expenses paid holiday.
When the contestants go to a remote island to go glamping, one night all hell brakes loose. One of the ladies goes missing, then there is a loud metallic bang heard that can be heard across the whole island, which could possibly be a car accident. More people start to go missing, and the island is not as it seems.
Thankyou to Netgalley, RB Media and Recorded Books for my advanced audio copy in exchange for my honest review.
Please visit my Facebook page and blog to see all of my past and future book reviews.
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