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How to Survive
How to Survive a Horror Movie
Be Afraid. Be Very Afraid.
From ghosts, vampires, and zombies to serial killers, cannibalistic hillbillies, and haunted Japanese videocassettes, How to Survive a Horror Movie shows how to defeat every obstacle found in scary films. Readers will discover:
- How to Perform an Exorcism
- What to Do If You Did Something Last Summer
- How to Persuade the Skeptical Local Sheriff
- How to Vanquish a Murderous Doll
- How to Survive an Alien Invasion
- How to Tell If You've Been Dead Since the Beginning of the Movie
and much, much more. Complete with useful instructions, insane illustrations, and a list of 100 important films to study, How to Survive a Horror Movie is essential reading for prom queens, jocks, teenage babysitters, and anyone employed by a summer camp.
From ghosts, vampires, and zombies to serial killers, cannibalistic hillbillies, and haunted Japanese videocassettes, How to Survive a Horror Movie shows how to defeat every obstacle found in scary films. Readers will discover:
- How to Perform an Exorcism
- What to Do If You Did Something Last Summer
- How to Persuade the Skeptical Local Sheriff
- How to Vanquish a Murderous Doll
- How to Survive an Alien Invasion
- How to Tell If You've Been Dead Since the Beginning of the Movie
and much, much more. Complete with useful instructions, insane illustrations, and a list of 100 important films to study, How to Survive a Horror Movie is essential reading for prom queens, jocks, teenage babysitters, and anyone employed by a summer camp.
176 pages, Paperback
First published May 1, 2007
156 people are currently reading
4112 people want to read
About the author
Seth Grahame-Smith
22 books2,818 followersSeth grew up in Connecticut reading Stephen King from a way-too-early age and forcing his friends to be in homemade horror movies. He’s written three New York Times Bestselling novels (and another one that kind’ve flopped but got good reviews). He occasionally writes or produces movies. The ones you like the most are probably THE LEGO BATMAN MOVIE and IT. Right now he’s working on a GREEN LANTERN series for HBO Max. Please stop asking him when it comes out. He’s a partner in Katzsmith Productions, a film and television company based in Los Angeles. He has a lovely wife, two fine sons, and two comically dumb dogs.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 544 reviews
February 10, 2022
I saw this book reviewed here...and felt strangely compelled to reserve it at the library. Just after picking it up and reading the opening chapter on how to tell if you actually are trapped in a horror movie....I discovered a box of very old books I hadn't realized I even owned??? Upon finding them I went searching out shelf space for the dusty old volumes (oddly as soon as I went into the dark bedroom to shelve the books my cat screamed and leapt from one of the shadowy shelves right at me. She'd never done anything like that before...weird.) As I settled down to read How To Survive a Horror Movie...an unpredicted thunder storm broke outside and we had a power failure. Well, doing the obvious thing I went into the dark attic to rummage through a still packed box to find a flashlight, (we just moved into this place...it was oddly torn up and had a lot of damage to the walls and woodwork before the landlord did the repairs, he was strangely close mouthed about who lived here before, and what happened.) Anyway, having gotten the flashlight (I'll have to check out that odd noise, the rattling scrape that kept up over in the darkest corner of the attic while I was up there, but I don't have time now.) I returned to my dark corner with my favorite chair, near the unusual little rock I found in the garden, the one that seems to have a human face on it. I keep it on my computer desk. Anyway, with my flashlight I started to read again only to be distracted by a huge clap of thunder and an unusually bright flash of lightening. The flash showed a face outside the window, some guy in a hockey mask...
Well you get the idea, it wasn't shaping up to be a great night. Along with the Zombie Survival Guide this may be an essential volume for well...surviving, you know, staying alive and not ending up dead....or undead, or whatever.
The book is fun, I got a lot of laughs and while it's not actually funny from cover to cover, it's enough so that I'll give it a 4.
Oh, the lights are back on.
You'll have to excuse me now, there's someone at the door and they're stuck out in the storm. The TV came back on with the power and I have to turn it down, so I can hear what the person at the door is saying. There was something on the TV about an escaped mental patient, a murderer from the hospital for the criminally insane and I can't leave whoever that is out there in the storm with a dangerous killer on the loose....
Noticed there's an Audible version of this now if you're interested in an audio version.
Well you get the idea, it wasn't shaping up to be a great night. Along with the Zombie Survival Guide this may be an essential volume for well...surviving, you know, staying alive and not ending up dead....or undead, or whatever.
The book is fun, I got a lot of laughs and while it's not actually funny from cover to cover, it's enough so that I'll give it a 4.
Oh, the lights are back on.
You'll have to excuse me now, there's someone at the door and they're stuck out in the storm. The TV came back on with the power and I have to turn it down, so I can hear what the person at the door is saying. There was something on the TV about an escaped mental patient, a murderer from the hospital for the criminally insane and I can't leave whoever that is out there in the storm with a dangerous killer on the loose....
Noticed there's an Audible version of this now if you're interested in an audio version.
October 2, 2019
I received this book for free from the publisher (Quirk Books) in exchange for an honest review.
This was such a fun read!
This book essentially makes fun of horror movies and all the cliches that come with them. For example, one of the things it says NOT to do is investigate strange things. The book explicitly states, “Investigation = mutilation” (pg. 36). Nothing good ever comes from checking something out. That’s just asking to be murdered.
The book also alludes to many famous horror movies, so horror enthusiasts will have fun catching them all.
The short forward/apology from Wes Craven was perfect. So on brand and a great way to kick of the book.
The illustrations and the list of movie recommendations were a nice touch as well.
The only critique I have is that I would have loved a concluding chapter to bring the book full circle. Or even a short paragraph stating something like, “Congratulations! If you’ve made it this far then you are one of the rare survivors of a horror movie…” I thought it was a missed opportunity and would have been the perfect place for one final joke about horror movies.
Overall, if you’re a fan of horror movies or just want a fun Halloween read, then read this book!
This was such a fun read!
This book essentially makes fun of horror movies and all the cliches that come with them. For example, one of the things it says NOT to do is investigate strange things. The book explicitly states, “Investigation = mutilation” (pg. 36). Nothing good ever comes from checking something out. That’s just asking to be murdered.
The book also alludes to many famous horror movies, so horror enthusiasts will have fun catching them all.
The short forward/apology from Wes Craven was perfect. So on brand and a great way to kick of the book.
The illustrations and the list of movie recommendations were a nice touch as well.
The only critique I have is that I would have loved a concluding chapter to bring the book full circle. Or even a short paragraph stating something like, “Congratulations! If you’ve made it this far then you are one of the rare survivors of a horror movie…” I thought it was a missed opportunity and would have been the perfect place for one final joke about horror movies.
Overall, if you’re a fan of horror movies or just want a fun Halloween read, then read this book!
February 19, 2009
i had to read this when i saw that he has a jane austen/zombie book coming out soon. this was a good way to kill time until the release date. but now i am finally going to have to read pride and prejudice!! dammit!
May 10, 2022
Cool Book!
This book would be hard to do a backstory as there really isn't one, so I am just giving out thoughts on it.
The whole book is about what kind of scenarios you would go through if you were stuck in a horror movie and what you would have to do to survive. If you are a horror lover and you love to watch horror movies - this book is for you. Every situation that happens in horror movies good or bad is in this book. I found myself laughing a lot as there is just so many things that were funny with the survival skills needed to get through the horror movie tropes. Giving this book five "Screaming Survivor Horror Skills" stars!
Highly Recommend!
This book would be hard to do a backstory as there really isn't one, so I am just giving out thoughts on it.
The whole book is about what kind of scenarios you would go through if you were stuck in a horror movie and what you would have to do to survive. If you are a horror lover and you love to watch horror movies - this book is for you. Every situation that happens in horror movies good or bad is in this book. I found myself laughing a lot as there is just so many things that were funny with the survival skills needed to get through the horror movie tropes. Giving this book five "Screaming Survivor Horror Skills" stars!
Highly Recommend!
June 20, 2017
this book is HILARIOUS!!!!! if you love - or even just like- horror movies, you should own this book.
May 3, 2020
As someone who has been watching horror films religiously since I was... 5 years old, probably? I felt like I had to read this. I adore horror films of every subgenre and style, mainstream or indie, comedic or extreme — they're one of my singular favorite things in life and one of my greatest comforts, so to say I should be the prime audience for this book is saying the least.
I've enjoyed this author's sense of humor when I was much younger, so I hoped I still would, but honestly... it's just reached the point of being annoying. The book made the same reference 6+ times in the first 10% of the book (yes, we get it, you hated Jason X! Almost everyone else did, too!), most of the jokes felt stale and tired, and many of the "objective" remarks were just patently false (maybe that was intentional, but it didn't feel like it — do you really mean to tell me you think the only historical horror films are vampire and mummy flicks? I have at least 15 other comments I want to gripe about similarly, but we'd be here all day)...
And then, it felt like a big section of the book just degenerated into "jokes" about other cultures/countries being the source of "evil" objects, curses, etc., which felt so over-played and boring and unoriginal. Like this gem:
"But it's satire, Destiny! You're missing the point!" some of you are saying, I know, and to that I reply, it still wasn't funny. It was cheap.
I haven't written a rant review in a long time and part of me doesn't even want to post this, but I was just so let down by this book that everyone swore would be perfect for me that I can't help but fuss a little. I'm sure plenty of people will love this, and that's fine, but it wasn't for me. It wasn't all bad, and I appreciated a lot of the more subtle references, and I have no doubt that the author is a huge horror film fan, too... I'm just really disappointed in my experience reading this.
I've enjoyed this author's sense of humor when I was much younger, so I hoped I still would, but honestly... it's just reached the point of being annoying. The book made the same reference 6+ times in the first 10% of the book (yes, we get it, you hated Jason X! Almost everyone else did, too!), most of the jokes felt stale and tired, and many of the "objective" remarks were just patently false (maybe that was intentional, but it didn't feel like it — do you really mean to tell me you think the only historical horror films are vampire and mummy flicks? I have at least 15 other comments I want to gripe about similarly, but we'd be here all day)...
And then, it felt like a big section of the book just degenerated into "jokes" about other cultures/countries being the source of "evil" objects, curses, etc., which felt so over-played and boring and unoriginal. Like this gem:
It’s widely accepted that all African villages have demons that spend their time possessing young local girls. Therefore, any hand-crafted souvenirs (especially tribal masks) from that continent are likely carrying some residual evil.
"But it's satire, Destiny! You're missing the point!" some of you are saying, I know, and to that I reply, it still wasn't funny. It was cheap.
I haven't written a rant review in a long time and part of me doesn't even want to post this, but I was just so let down by this book that everyone swore would be perfect for me that I can't help but fuss a little. I'm sure plenty of people will love this, and that's fine, but it wasn't for me. It wasn't all bad, and I appreciated a lot of the more subtle references, and I have no doubt that the author is a huge horror film fan, too... I'm just really disappointed in my experience reading this.
January 31, 2020
3 out of 5 Skulls!
January/February Issue of SCREAM Mag
“I’ve built a career on the blood of innocents, and I guess the guilt’s finally caught up with me.”
-Wes Craven/Introduction to How to Survive a Horror Movie
I knew this book was going to be a fun read after briefly skimming the Table of Contents and seeing that the Foreward was titled, “An Apology by Wes Craven”. Another indication was that the entire book is filled with illustrations and who doesn’t love pictures?!
This book has several intended audiences and perhaps in reading this review, you’ll be able to identify yourself as one of them. If you are a horror film-buff, this is for you. The pages are stuffed with references to iconic movies and you will be able to relate to all the clever ways Seth Grahame-Smith celebrates classic, horror movie plot points and patterns.
If you shy away from horror movies (like me) but you love to read horror fiction and non-fiction, this book is also for you. The author does a good job of keeping things general enough that this doesn’t feel like too much of an inside joke-you won’t feel like you’re missing anything if you haven’t watched all the movies used as examples.
For instance the section titled, How to Survive a Haunted House has a “yes” or “no” checklist so that if you find yourself in a dubious house, you can answer ten simple questions like, “Do the faucets or showerheads bleed?” Or “Are there Civil-War era children playing in the attic?”
In the back of the book is an Appendix for people like me with a study guide list of movies horror movie newbies should watch in order to learn how to survive one. I’m considering studying up!
I also think people who enjoy humor and a coffee table-style quick read would appreciate having this book. It would be a great conversation starter at an awkward dinner party or something. It’s written in such a way that you could pick it up on the train commute home from work or just read a desirable section to a friend. It’s something every horror fan should have in their collection, let’s put it that way.
My only real complaint was that I felt like I had watched something like this on YouTube before? Or read something pretty similar. Nothing felt super original and the jokes were sometimes on the predictable or corny side--but that aside, I think this book is worthy of your time, money and space on your shelves. Quirk knows how to put out a sexy edition (see PAPERBACKS FROM HELL by Grady Hendrix) and Seth Grahame-Smith is clearly an expert in horror cinema. A winning combination.
3.5 stars out of 5
January/February Issue of SCREAM Mag
“I’ve built a career on the blood of innocents, and I guess the guilt’s finally caught up with me.”
-Wes Craven/Introduction to How to Survive a Horror Movie
I knew this book was going to be a fun read after briefly skimming the Table of Contents and seeing that the Foreward was titled, “An Apology by Wes Craven”. Another indication was that the entire book is filled with illustrations and who doesn’t love pictures?!
This book has several intended audiences and perhaps in reading this review, you’ll be able to identify yourself as one of them. If you are a horror film-buff, this is for you. The pages are stuffed with references to iconic movies and you will be able to relate to all the clever ways Seth Grahame-Smith celebrates classic, horror movie plot points and patterns.
If you shy away from horror movies (like me) but you love to read horror fiction and non-fiction, this book is also for you. The author does a good job of keeping things general enough that this doesn’t feel like too much of an inside joke-you won’t feel like you’re missing anything if you haven’t watched all the movies used as examples.
For instance the section titled, How to Survive a Haunted House has a “yes” or “no” checklist so that if you find yourself in a dubious house, you can answer ten simple questions like, “Do the faucets or showerheads bleed?” Or “Are there Civil-War era children playing in the attic?”
In the back of the book is an Appendix for people like me with a study guide list of movies horror movie newbies should watch in order to learn how to survive one. I’m considering studying up!
I also think people who enjoy humor and a coffee table-style quick read would appreciate having this book. It would be a great conversation starter at an awkward dinner party or something. It’s written in such a way that you could pick it up on the train commute home from work or just read a desirable section to a friend. It’s something every horror fan should have in their collection, let’s put it that way.
My only real complaint was that I felt like I had watched something like this on YouTube before? Or read something pretty similar. Nothing felt super original and the jokes were sometimes on the predictable or corny side--but that aside, I think this book is worthy of your time, money and space on your shelves. Quirk knows how to put out a sexy edition (see PAPERBACKS FROM HELL by Grady Hendrix) and Seth Grahame-Smith is clearly an expert in horror cinema. A winning combination.
3.5 stars out of 5
March 22, 2020
Ridiculously fun. A total treat for a horror movie nut like me!
I can still remember the first time a horror movie truly scared me. To clarify, I was not allowed to watch them. Didn't stop me.
I was twelve, and up way past my bedtime watching a late night rerun of a horror movie I'd never seen or even heard of before. I had a big box TV mounted to the wall in my bedroom. So in order to stealthily watch it, I had to plug my clunky headphones into said TV and stand on a chair because the headphones didn't have a long cord.
It was all worth it to sneak-watch something I wasn't supposed to. And I was LOVING what I was seeing. There was blood and fire and it was great. Then the ending happened.
I fell off my chair and a horror movie obsession was born.
18 years later, my horror loving heart is still going strong. Which makes How to Survive a Horror Movie literally perfect for me.
It was just a treat to read. I could literally talk about horror movies for days on end. A book that both delights in and pokes fun at a genre that is truly special to me is a rare and delightful find.
I have tiny complaints - the artistic style doesn't work for me. The artist is clearly a talented dude, but it doesn't do anything for me personally. Also, the book jacket mentions "study material" of 100 films, but there are only 58 listed? Of which I've seen 40 something, so I've either got a little catching up to do or have seen too many already. One or the other.
I just can't complain much about something that was so fun! It was a case of me and a book being destined for each other.
And finally, I just have one question for you:
—⿒⿒⿒⿒⿒⿒⿒⿒⿒⿒⿒⿒⿒⿒-
Pre-review
How have I never heard of this, it sounds right up my alley. Amazon here I come!
I can still remember the first time a horror movie truly scared me. To clarify, I was not allowed to watch them. Didn't stop me.
I was twelve, and up way past my bedtime watching a late night rerun of a horror movie I'd never seen or even heard of before. I had a big box TV mounted to the wall in my bedroom. So in order to stealthily watch it, I had to plug my clunky headphones into said TV and stand on a chair because the headphones didn't have a long cord.
It was all worth it to sneak-watch something I wasn't supposed to. And I was LOVING what I was seeing. There was blood and fire and it was great. Then the ending happened.
I fell off my chair and a horror movie obsession was born.
18 years later, my horror loving heart is still going strong. Which makes How to Survive a Horror Movie literally perfect for me.
It was just a treat to read. I could literally talk about horror movies for days on end. A book that both delights in and pokes fun at a genre that is truly special to me is a rare and delightful find.
I have tiny complaints - the artistic style doesn't work for me. The artist is clearly a talented dude, but it doesn't do anything for me personally. Also, the book jacket mentions "study material" of 100 films, but there are only 58 listed? Of which I've seen 40 something, so I've either got a little catching up to do or have seen too many already. One or the other.
I just can't complain much about something that was so fun! It was a case of me and a book being destined for each other.
And finally, I just have one question for you:
—⿒⿒⿒⿒⿒⿒⿒⿒⿒⿒⿒⿒⿒⿒-
Pre-review
How have I never heard of this, it sounds right up my alley. Amazon here I come!
October 27, 2023
This book should be titled "How to Survive a Book That Thinks R-Slurs, Fat-Shaming, and Misogyny is Funny".
To be fair, I DID listen to the whole book, because it was only 3 hours, I listened at 2x speed, and I was driving to the airport and had it downloaded. There were a few "Heh" moments between the jokes about the above topics, but overall, I'm just glad I didn't pay for this. I should ask Audible for a refund anyway. For punitive damages.
To be fair, I DID listen to the whole book, because it was only 3 hours, I listened at 2x speed, and I was driving to the airport and had it downloaded. There were a few "Heh" moments between the jokes about the above topics, but overall, I'm just glad I didn't pay for this. I should ask Audible for a refund anyway. For punitive damages.
August 13, 2011
Horror movies and I? We go way back. I've been a voracious consumer since I was eight and my enthusiasm for the genre hasn't diminished with ... ahem ... maturity and wisdom. So yeah, it's been a lifelong love affair, one I don't hide, or feel I need to apologize for. Because even amidst the dreck, there exists some awesome cinematic gems, and amidst the classics there are film moments of hair-raising, heart-stopping, enviable genius.
The naysayers who decry: "how can you watch that garbage" are rude asshats, unimaginative douchebags or big fat chickens. Okay, maybe that's a little harsh. Rationally I know horror movies aren't for everyone, but there's that rabid part of my brain that thinks if you're not with us, you're against us.
In writing this little manifesto on how to survive a horror movie, Seth Grahame-Smith proves that he understands horror and humor are a marriage made in heaven – the two go together like Pam and Jim, Butch and Sundance, Pancho and Lefty, Dolly and Kenny and that other celestial match – Sam and Bruce. Horror indulges in all forms of comedy – satire, slapstick, black, blue, Freudian, farce, irony – you name it, it’s been done; in some cases to humbling effect, either deliberately with great focus, or by happy, moronic accident. Don’t believe me? Look no further than these cinema classics (and I’m not being facetious here): An American Werewolf in London, Evil Dead I and II, The Return of the Living Dead, Creepshow, and Shaun of the Dead.
All of the above are prime examples of why I’d rather be watching horror movies rather than reading about them. But every now and then a book of this sort breaks through my defenses, giving me that “come hither” look I just can’t resist. This book has giggles, a few gut busters, and a whole lot of in-jokes delivered with tongue firmly planted in cheek. There are some sections that fall flat being over-written and a little dumb, but there are also shining moments of pure cleverness. Any die-hard horror fan who reads this little book is going to think “I could have written this and probably done a better job”; maybe, but you didn’t, and neither did I so we’re going to shut our pie holes and give props where they’re due.
More than anything, this little book is pure goddamn fun. Plain and simple. However, it is not a classic – for that you have to read and . These definitive texts will teach you everything you need to know about the industry, the genre, the people who make their living by it, and the people who love it. Seth Grahame-Smith wants to make us laugh, but it also comes across how much he loves celluloid horror and because of that I know he is one of us and therefore to be trusted.
There are just too many delightful nuggets to quote from here and rather than trying to capture them all I’m just going to say go read the book. But I can’t resist throwing out a few of my favorites:
The naysayers who decry: "how can you watch that garbage" are rude asshats, unimaginative douchebags or big fat chickens. Okay, maybe that's a little harsh. Rationally I know horror movies aren't for everyone, but there's that rabid part of my brain that thinks if you're not with us, you're against us.
In writing this little manifesto on how to survive a horror movie, Seth Grahame-Smith proves that he understands horror and humor are a marriage made in heaven – the two go together like Pam and Jim, Butch and Sundance, Pancho and Lefty, Dolly and Kenny and that other celestial match – Sam and Bruce. Horror indulges in all forms of comedy – satire, slapstick, black, blue, Freudian, farce, irony – you name it, it’s been done; in some cases to humbling effect, either deliberately with great focus, or by happy, moronic accident. Don’t believe me? Look no further than these cinema classics (and I’m not being facetious here): An American Werewolf in London, Evil Dead I and II, The Return of the Living Dead, Creepshow, and Shaun of the Dead.
All of the above are prime examples of why I’d rather be watching horror movies rather than reading about them. But every now and then a book of this sort breaks through my defenses, giving me that “come hither” look I just can’t resist. This book has giggles, a few gut busters, and a whole lot of in-jokes delivered with tongue firmly planted in cheek. There are some sections that fall flat being over-written and a little dumb, but there are also shining moments of pure cleverness. Any die-hard horror fan who reads this little book is going to think “I could have written this and probably done a better job”; maybe, but you didn’t, and neither did I so we’re going to shut our pie holes and give props where they’re due.
More than anything, this little book is pure goddamn fun. Plain and simple. However, it is not a classic – for that you have to read and . These definitive texts will teach you everything you need to know about the industry, the genre, the people who make their living by it, and the people who love it. Seth Grahame-Smith wants to make us laugh, but it also comes across how much he loves celluloid horror and because of that I know he is one of us and therefore to be trusted.
There are just too many delightful nuggets to quote from here and rather than trying to capture them all I’m just going to say go read the book. But I can’t resist throwing out a few of my favorites:
The Seven Deadly Horror Movie Sins:
3rd Deadly Sin: Independence – “Screw you guys I’m going home”. Actually you’re going about a third of the way home.
5th Deadly Sin: Curiosity – “Do you think it’s dead?” No. Go ahead and poke it with a stick.
How to Defeat a Killer Doll: Kick the Crap Out of It. Why are you running away from something that could be imprisoned with Legos?
How to Kill a Vampire: Interview It.
What to Do If Your Corn Has Children In It (I still can’t say this out loud without giggling my ass off)
The Amityville Horror (1979) – Bad things happen in house. Family buys house. Bad things happen to family.
Carrie (1976) – If you haven’t seen this masterpiece yet, pelt yourself with tampons and go to your prayer closet.
The Hitcher (1986) – How many times do I have to tell you: Never pick up Rutger Hauer!
Seven (1995) – I went to see this film by myself on a cold, rainy Boston day. I haven’t smiled since.
The Sixth Sense (1999) – Hi, my name’s M. Night Shyamalan. Trust me…you’ll learn how to pronounce it.
November 19, 2019
I love horror movies. Halloween is my favorite holiday. I relish thriller and suspense novels. I guess if I can dress up as, watch, or read about fictional horrific things, it puts the problems I encounter in life into a better perspective. Sort of like -- Hey I can handle a flat tire during a snow storm...piece of cake. At least I'm not that babysitter who got the call about the killer being inside the house. See? Perspective.
But, I do have to say, it is disappointing when a story is clocking down to the Final Girl and characters are making rookie mistakes, especially if the tale is a sequel. You guys couldn't learn the rules in the first 8 movies?? Damn. Get smarter murder-fodder. Years ago, my husband and I used to pause movies to discuss the mistakes the characters were making and guess their mode of demise. Ooops....ran up the stairs and shut herself in the bathroom. Yeah -- smart move, cupcake. Ohhh, he's going down in the basement to flip the breaker switch? Alone? Another smart decision. Ohh look...the couple is going to walk through the woods to get help. Isn't that cute? Wrong!!!! Sigh....it's like they don't even have a clue. Even on television series there are similar moments that leave us shaking our heads. I remember well one zombie show we stopped watching because it drove us INSANE. None of the characters could remember to shut a damn door when they came inside. Ummm...hello? Zombies outside...neighbors being eaten....you SHUT the patio door. I can't sympathize with characters who screw up that bad....or a script that has such an obvious set up for munch-time. Bleck. We spent two episodes rooting for the zombies....and then stopped watching the show.
But I digress...I am going to review this book. Promise.
Because my family watches horror movies and critiques them instead of being scared, I knew I needed to read this book. It first came out in 2007...but obviously none of the victims in horror movies in the last 12 years read it. They are still making the same mistakes. So....this new and improved edition released in 2019 should help save lives, right? At least the general public now has a chance to find out a few things: 1. Am I in a horror movie? 2. What do I do if I discover I am, in fact, inside a horror movie. and 3. How do I survive to the end credits?
I had the best time reading this book! I found myself nodding and agreeing with the lists and advice. Very entertaining and fun to read! And I now find myself wanting to sit and binge watch some horror. The characters will still make all those bad errors in judgement....but in the end, it's just fiction, right? Right? *Looks around nervously* Was that a strange music stab? Are those really hooded figures chanting outside in my front yard? OMG...who drew that strange symbol on the floor of my office?
Uh oh.....
**I voluntarily read a review copy of this book from Quirk Books via Edelweiss. All opinions expressed are entirely my own. No lost campers were slashed during the writing of this review. Honest.**
But, I do have to say, it is disappointing when a story is clocking down to the Final Girl and characters are making rookie mistakes, especially if the tale is a sequel. You guys couldn't learn the rules in the first 8 movies?? Damn. Get smarter murder-fodder. Years ago, my husband and I used to pause movies to discuss the mistakes the characters were making and guess their mode of demise. Ooops....ran up the stairs and shut herself in the bathroom. Yeah -- smart move, cupcake. Ohhh, he's going down in the basement to flip the breaker switch? Alone? Another smart decision. Ohh look...the couple is going to walk through the woods to get help. Isn't that cute? Wrong!!!! Sigh....it's like they don't even have a clue. Even on television series there are similar moments that leave us shaking our heads. I remember well one zombie show we stopped watching because it drove us INSANE. None of the characters could remember to shut a damn door when they came inside. Ummm...hello? Zombies outside...neighbors being eaten....you SHUT the patio door. I can't sympathize with characters who screw up that bad....or a script that has such an obvious set up for munch-time. Bleck. We spent two episodes rooting for the zombies....and then stopped watching the show.
But I digress...I am going to review this book. Promise.
Because my family watches horror movies and critiques them instead of being scared, I knew I needed to read this book. It first came out in 2007...but obviously none of the victims in horror movies in the last 12 years read it. They are still making the same mistakes. So....this new and improved edition released in 2019 should help save lives, right? At least the general public now has a chance to find out a few things: 1. Am I in a horror movie? 2. What do I do if I discover I am, in fact, inside a horror movie. and 3. How do I survive to the end credits?
I had the best time reading this book! I found myself nodding and agreeing with the lists and advice. Very entertaining and fun to read! And I now find myself wanting to sit and binge watch some horror. The characters will still make all those bad errors in judgement....but in the end, it's just fiction, right? Right? *Looks around nervously* Was that a strange music stab? Are those really hooded figures chanting outside in my front yard? OMG...who drew that strange symbol on the floor of my office?
Uh oh.....
**I voluntarily read a review copy of this book from Quirk Books via Edelweiss. All opinions expressed are entirely my own. No lost campers were slashed during the writing of this review. Honest.**
September 10, 2019
I’m a huge fan of horror movies and I loved P+P+Z, so I was intrigued by this.
I loved the sections and how it was chaptered out. Pretty much everything was filled with snark and I found myself laughing out loud in several places. The contrasting pages and illustrations made for something a little extra that I wasn’t expecting.
Overall, it was a quick and fun read. I’m sure I’ll have it in my head for the next horror movie I see.
**Huge thanks to Quirk Books for providing the arc free of charge**
I loved the sections and how it was chaptered out. Pretty much everything was filled with snark and I found myself laughing out loud in several places. The contrasting pages and illustrations made for something a little extra that I wasn’t expecting.
Overall, it was a quick and fun read. I’m sure I’ll have it in my head for the next horror movie I see.
**Huge thanks to Quirk Books for providing the arc free of charge**
October 3, 2019
Humorous, thorough (it covered about everything as if you suddenly somehow found yourself as an actor in one and weren't aware, haha) and a fairly quick read.
August 18, 2019
"I've always had a special place in my heart for horror movie characters."
How to Survive a Horror Movie is a guide for what to do if you find yourself unfortunately trapped in a horror movie. This ended up being more of a coffee table book than an actual book to read, but that's fine. I think it was a little too long for the coffee table book style, and I ended up losing interest somewhere along the way, and skimming. It was entertaining, but I'm not really sure that it offers anything new or unique. Some of it was amusing, and some of it was tedious. I guess I was hoping it would be more personal and in more of a storytelling format. Overall, it's a fun & quick read for horror movie fans.
How to Survive a Horror Movie is a guide for what to do if you find yourself unfortunately trapped in a horror movie. This ended up being more of a coffee table book than an actual book to read, but that's fine. I think it was a little too long for the coffee table book style, and I ended up losing interest somewhere along the way, and skimming. It was entertaining, but I'm not really sure that it offers anything new or unique. Some of it was amusing, and some of it was tedious. I guess I was hoping it would be more personal and in more of a storytelling format. Overall, it's a fun & quick read for horror movie fans.
Read
November 9, 2008Well, now I know that all I have to do to survive is whip my junk out since full-frontal male nudity does not exist in horror films. Cheers!
November 15, 2019
Finally - a self-help book that addresses my life!
September 11, 2019
من هذه اللحظة، انت شخصية خيالية في احد أفلام الرعب السينيمائية، والقائمين على الفيلم يفعلون ما بوسعهم لأن يقتلوك. ففي قراءتك لهذا الكتاب سيحاول الكاتب على ان يرشدك لطرق عدّة للنجاة من هذا الفيلم
الكتاب اللي اي شخص مُحب لأفلام الرعب رح يستمتع فيه، وانا كواحد من المهووسين بهالنوعية من الأفلام، كنت مبسوط بكمية المراجع اللي استخدمها الكاتب لأفلامي الرعب المفضلة. كتاب فكاهي درجة أولى وكان في ترابط بين الكاتب والقارئ. حبيت وجود معلومات جيدة عن الأفلام المرعبة اللي صدرت طوال هي السنوات. وحسيت بأني عم أتناقش مع شخص عنده خبرة عالية بأفلام الرعب
4 / 5
الكتاب اللي اي شخص مُحب لأفلام الرعب رح يستمتع فيه، وانا كواحد من المهووسين بهالنوعية من الأفلام، كنت مبسوط بكمية المراجع اللي استخدمها الكاتب لأفلامي الرعب المفضلة. كتاب فكاهي درجة أولى وكان في ترابط بين الكاتب والقارئ. حبيت وجود معلومات جيدة عن الأفلام المرعبة اللي صدرت طوال هي السنوات. وحسيت بأني عم أتناقش مع شخص عنده خبرة عالية بأفلام الرعب
4 / 5
December 14, 2019
اگر اهل تماشاي فيلمهاي ترسناك باشيد يا به هر طريقي چند تا از فيلمهاي اين ژانر را ديده باشيد پس تجربه ي اينكه توامان هم بترسيد و هم خون جگر بخوريد و لجتان در بيايد را داشته ايد.گاهي انقدر از دست رفتارهاي احمقانه كاراكترها حرص خورده ايد كه خودتان دوست داريد زودتر از قاتل يا ارواح يا زامبي ها يا هر چيز ديگري كلك انها را بكنيد يا حداقل شيشه تلويزيون تان را بشكنيد.
"چگونه در يك فيلم ترسناك زنده بمانيم:همه مهارتها براي طفره رفتن از مرگ" هجونامه اي بر فيلمهاي ترسناك و كليشه هاي انهاست.
ست گراهام اسميت، نويسنده كتاب مثل هر بيننده اثار ترسناك ديگري از حماقتهاي مكرر، دست و پا چلفتي بازي ها، قلدر گيري هاي بي موقع و ..شخصيتهاي اثار ترسناك به ستوه امده و كتابي نوشته كه به شما اموزش ميدهد چنانچه در يك فيلم ترسناك و به قول خودش وحشت اباد گير كرده ايد بتوانيد از دست قاتل-مرگ يا به عبارتي از فيلمنامه نويس و كارگردان فرار كنيد و زنده بمانيد و نه تنها بتوانيد تا تيتراژ پاياني فيلم دوام بياوريد بلكه پس از ان برويد سر كار و زندگي تان..
او شرط اول براي زن��ه ماندن در وحشت اباد را سرپيچي نكردن از تنها فرمان ان ميداند:
تو نبايد احمق باشي..
كتاب با مقدمه اي از "وس كرايون" كارگردان مشهور ژانر وحشت اغاز ميشود كه در بخشي از ان ميگويد:
"وجه مشترك تمامشان -تمام شخصيتهاي اثار خودش كه به هر طريقي به قتل رسيدند- اين بود كه در يك لحظه مهم و سرنوشت ساز تصميم غلط ميگرفتند.وقتي كه بايد از خانه خارج ميشدند از پلكان بالا ميرفتند يا وقتي كه براي نجات جانشان بايد بيدار مي ماندند و پلك هم نميزدند تخت ميخوابيدند."
از همين جا هشدار ميدهم كه تكليفتان با خودتان مشخص باشد و بدانيد چه كتابي را در دست گرفته ايد و انتظاري جز اينكه در حين مطالعه ان كمي لبخند بزنيد نداشته باشيد.اين كتاب يك اثر مفرح، سرگرم كننده و راحت خوان است كه احتياجي به تمركز و دقت ندارد و ميتواند پيشنهادي مناسب براي مطالعه در سفر باشد.در ادامه بخشهاي جالبي از كتاب را برايت��ن مينويسم.
نويسنده اذعان ميكند شايد دليل اين حجم از حماقت اين كاراكترها اين است كه نميدانند در يك فيلم ترسناك حضور دارند.بنابراين به شما نشانه هايي ميدهد كه با شناسايي انها ميتواند مطمئن شويد شما در چنين فيلمي حضور داريد:
ص١٧؛ طراحي صحنه چطور است؟روي پياده روها خط كشي بچه ها با گچ را ميبينيد؟ همه چيز به نظر زنگ زده يا تار عنكبوت گرفته؟ ايا يك لايه نازك دود همينطور بي خود و بي جهت روي زمين جريان دارد؟
اگر چنين است شما در يك فيلم ترسناك هستيد.
يا براي فرار از دست هر چيزي كه جان شما را به خطر انداخته ميگويد:
ص٢٩: هدف شما، تنها هدف شما رسيدن به نزديك ترين وسيله ي چرخ دار است (غير از چرخ خياطي و چرخ اسياب البته) به محض اينكه به وسيله چرخ دار رسيديد درش را باز كنيد و سوار شويد.احتياجي به شكستن شيشه نيست.در فيلمهاي ترسناك نه تنها كسي در ماشينش را قفل نميكند بلكه سوييچش را هم داخل ماشين ميگذارد.پس از سوار شدن اول در را قفل كنيد، بعد افتاب گير طرف راننده را پايين بياوريد؛ سوييچ روي پايتان مي افتد.خاطرتان باشد امكان ندارد ماشين تان با استارت اول روشن شود.مرتب استارت ميزنيد و ماشين فقط سرفه هاي خشكِ ناله مانند ميكند اما نگران نباشيد! به محض اينكه وحشت افرين به نزديك شما برسد ماشين يكباره به طرز معجزه اسايي تمام درد و مرض هايش را فراموش ميكند و روشن ميشود.
در جايي ديگر درباره خطرهاي سفرهاي جاده اي در اثار ترسناك مينويسد:
ص٤٧؛ وقتي در فيلمي ترسناك هستيد و با دوستان داف و شاخ تان به سفري جاده اي ميرويد يكي از اين سه اتفاق در انتظار شماست:
اول: يكي از همراهانتان اصرار ميكند از راه ميان بر معركه اي كه او ميشناسد برويد تا زمان سفرتان نصف شود. اين راه ميان بر معركه به شهر متروك و پرتي منتهي ميشود كه روي هـيچ نقشه اي نيست.اين وسط ناغافل ماشين تان خراب ميشود.حالا شما ويلان و سيلان وسط ناكجا اباد هستيد و اسلشري كه متوجه حضور شما شده است.
دوم: نا خواسته فردي را زير ميگيريد، جنازه ي ان بخت برگشته را سر به نيست ميكنيد و با دوستان تان عهد ميبنديد كه اين ماجرا به صورت راز مشترك بين تان بماند؛ غافل از اينكه طرف يا نمرده يا روحش شيطاني شده يا قوم و خويش روان پريش دارد و يكي يكي شما را تا اخر فيلم نفله ميكند.
سوم ..
درباره شغل پرستاري بچه كه مورد علاقه فيلمنامه نويس هاي اين ژانر است ميگويد:
ص٥١: در جهان واقعي پرستاري از كودكان يك شيوه ي موثر و مفيد براي مسئوليت پذيري جوانان و كسب پول تو جيبي شان است.اما در وحشت اباد پرستاران بچه لذيذ ترين طعمه براي اسلشرها و جذاب ترين لقمه براي چشم و دل مخاطب فيلمهاي ترسناك هستند.اين پرستارهاي نوجوان از خانه دور هستند، كسي مراقبشان نيست و فرشتگان و شياطين روي شانه هاشان دارند چشم و چار همديگر را در مي اورند.وسوسه پشت وسوسه..
"امشب بايد با اين پايپ و جنس خفن بتركوني!"
"بهترين فرصته كه با اون پسره ي شاخ خلوت كني"
در حاليكه كفه به سمت شياطين سنگين تر شده ناگهان برق ميرود.سراغ تلفن ميرويد.تف به اين شانس.از كار افتاده.ناگهان گزارش خبري را به ياد مي اوريد درباره يك سلسله جنايات هولناك در نزديكي محل سكوت شما.
درباره ي زامبي ها مينويسد:
كساني كه توسط زامبي ها كشته ميشوند جدا بايد از خودشان خجالت بكشند، يعني از ان مرگهايي ست كه سنگيني شرم و خجالتش بيشتر از درد مردنش است.درست مثل اين است كه مثلا يك جت جنگنده توسط دارت از ان بالا تالاپي سقوط كند روي زمين.از هر لحاظ كه حساب كنيد انسانها بر زامبي ها برتري دارند: ما باهوش تر، سريع تر، قوي تر و خوش تيپ تر از زامبي هاهستيم.با تمام اين اوصاف، در فيلمهاي زامبي دار قهرمانان داستان با مشاهده ي يك مشت مرده ي زنده كه شَل شَل زنان با سرعت حلزون در حال حركت هستند، خودشان را در سوراخ سمبه هايي كه ايمني بالايي هم ندارند مخفي ميكنند و در حاليكه يك لشكر زامبي محاصره شان كرده سر همديگر داد ميكشند و دچار فروپاشي عصبي ميشوند و اخر سر هم شكار زامبي ها ميشوند در حاليكه اين جماعت زامبي زده از همان اول با يك حمله متقابل ميتوانستند دمار از روزگار اين اموات ناخوانده در اورند يا با كشيدن پاشنه ي گيوه يا كتاني با حداكثر سرعت از منطقه خطر دور شوند.
ديالوگ قهرمان يك فيلم زامبي محور:
"حالا چه خاكي به سرمون بريزيم؟ پنج شيش تا زامبي خدانشناس اون بيرون تو حياطن و با سرعتي كه حركت ميكنند تا چند ساعت ديگه مي رسن به در خونه"
"چگونه در يك فيلم ترسناك زنده بمانيم:همه مهارتها براي طفره رفتن از مرگ" هجونامه اي بر فيلمهاي ترسناك و كليشه هاي انهاست.
ست گراهام اسميت، نويسنده كتاب مثل هر بيننده اثار ترسناك ديگري از حماقتهاي مكرر، دست و پا چلفتي بازي ها، قلدر گيري هاي بي موقع و ..شخصيتهاي اثار ترسناك به ستوه امده و كتابي نوشته كه به شما اموزش ميدهد چنانچه در يك فيلم ترسناك و به قول خودش وحشت اباد گير كرده ايد بتوانيد از دست قاتل-مرگ يا به عبارتي از فيلمنامه نويس و كارگردان فرار كنيد و زنده بمانيد و نه تنها بتوانيد تا تيتراژ پاياني فيلم دوام بياوريد بلكه پس از ان برويد سر كار و زندگي تان..
او شرط اول براي زن��ه ماندن در وحشت اباد را سرپيچي نكردن از تنها فرمان ان ميداند:
تو نبايد احمق باشي..
كتاب با مقدمه اي از "وس كرايون" كارگردان مشهور ژانر وحشت اغاز ميشود كه در بخشي از ان ميگويد:
"وجه مشترك تمامشان -تمام شخصيتهاي اثار خودش كه به هر طريقي به قتل رسيدند- اين بود كه در يك لحظه مهم و سرنوشت ساز تصميم غلط ميگرفتند.وقتي كه بايد از خانه خارج ميشدند از پلكان بالا ميرفتند يا وقتي كه براي نجات جانشان بايد بيدار مي ماندند و پلك هم نميزدند تخت ميخوابيدند."
از همين جا هشدار ميدهم كه تكليفتان با خودتان مشخص باشد و بدانيد چه كتابي را در دست گرفته ايد و انتظاري جز اينكه در حين مطالعه ان كمي لبخند بزنيد نداشته باشيد.اين كتاب يك اثر مفرح، سرگرم كننده و راحت خوان است كه احتياجي به تمركز و دقت ندارد و ميتواند پيشنهادي مناسب براي مطالعه در سفر باشد.در ادامه بخشهاي جالبي از كتاب را برايت��ن مينويسم.
نويسنده اذعان ميكند شايد دليل اين حجم از حماقت اين كاراكترها اين است كه نميدانند در يك فيلم ترسناك حضور دارند.بنابراين به شما نشانه هايي ميدهد كه با شناسايي انها ميتواند مطمئن شويد شما در چنين فيلمي حضور داريد:
ص١٧؛ طراحي صحنه چطور است؟روي پياده روها خط كشي بچه ها با گچ را ميبينيد؟ همه چيز به نظر زنگ زده يا تار عنكبوت گرفته؟ ايا يك لايه نازك دود همينطور بي خود و بي جهت روي زمين جريان دارد؟
اگر چنين است شما در يك فيلم ترسناك هستيد.
يا براي فرار از دست هر چيزي كه جان شما را به خطر انداخته ميگويد:
ص٢٩: هدف شما، تنها هدف شما رسيدن به نزديك ترين وسيله ي چرخ دار است (غير از چرخ خياطي و چرخ اسياب البته) به محض اينكه به وسيله چرخ دار رسيديد درش را باز كنيد و سوار شويد.احتياجي به شكستن شيشه نيست.در فيلمهاي ترسناك نه تنها كسي در ماشينش را قفل نميكند بلكه سوييچش را هم داخل ماشين ميگذارد.پس از سوار شدن اول در را قفل كنيد، بعد افتاب گير طرف راننده را پايين بياوريد؛ سوييچ روي پايتان مي افتد.خاطرتان باشد امكان ندارد ماشين تان با استارت اول روشن شود.مرتب استارت ميزنيد و ماشين فقط سرفه هاي خشكِ ناله مانند ميكند اما نگران نباشيد! به محض اينكه وحشت افرين به نزديك شما برسد ماشين يكباره به طرز معجزه اسايي تمام درد و مرض هايش را فراموش ميكند و روشن ميشود.
در جايي ديگر درباره خطرهاي سفرهاي جاده اي در اثار ترسناك مينويسد:
ص٤٧؛ وقتي در فيلمي ترسناك هستيد و با دوستان داف و شاخ تان به سفري جاده اي ميرويد يكي از اين سه اتفاق در انتظار شماست:
اول: يكي از همراهانتان اصرار ميكند از راه ميان بر معركه اي كه او ميشناسد برويد تا زمان سفرتان نصف شود. اين راه ميان بر معركه به شهر متروك و پرتي منتهي ميشود كه روي هـيچ نقشه اي نيست.اين وسط ناغافل ماشين تان خراب ميشود.حالا شما ويلان و سيلان وسط ناكجا اباد هستيد و اسلشري كه متوجه حضور شما شده است.
دوم: نا خواسته فردي را زير ميگيريد، جنازه ي ان بخت برگشته را سر به نيست ميكنيد و با دوستان تان عهد ميبنديد كه اين ماجرا به صورت راز مشترك بين تان بماند؛ غافل از اينكه طرف يا نمرده يا روحش شيطاني شده يا قوم و خويش روان پريش دارد و يكي يكي شما را تا اخر فيلم نفله ميكند.
سوم ..
درباره شغل پرستاري بچه كه مورد علاقه فيلمنامه نويس هاي اين ژانر است ميگويد:
ص٥١: در جهان واقعي پرستاري از كودكان يك شيوه ي موثر و مفيد براي مسئوليت پذيري جوانان و كسب پول تو جيبي شان است.اما در وحشت اباد پرستاران بچه لذيذ ترين طعمه براي اسلشرها و جذاب ترين لقمه براي چشم و دل مخاطب فيلمهاي ترسناك هستند.اين پرستارهاي نوجوان از خانه دور هستند، كسي مراقبشان نيست و فرشتگان و شياطين روي شانه هاشان دارند چشم و چار همديگر را در مي اورند.وسوسه پشت وسوسه..
"امشب بايد با اين پايپ و جنس خفن بتركوني!"
"بهترين فرصته كه با اون پسره ي شاخ خلوت كني"
در حاليكه كفه به سمت شياطين سنگين تر شده ناگهان برق ميرود.سراغ تلفن ميرويد.تف به اين شانس.از كار افتاده.ناگهان گزارش خبري را به ياد مي اوريد درباره يك سلسله جنايات هولناك در نزديكي محل سكوت شما.
درباره ي زامبي ها مينويسد:
كساني كه توسط زامبي ها كشته ميشوند جدا بايد از خودشان خجالت بكشند، يعني از ان مرگهايي ست كه سنگيني شرم و خجالتش بيشتر از درد مردنش است.درست مثل اين است كه مثلا يك جت جنگنده توسط دارت از ان بالا تالاپي سقوط كند روي زمين.از هر لحاظ كه حساب كنيد انسانها بر زامبي ها برتري دارند: ما باهوش تر، سريع تر، قوي تر و خوش تيپ تر از زامبي هاهستيم.با تمام اين اوصاف، در فيلمهاي زامبي دار قهرمانان داستان با مشاهده ي يك مشت مرده ي زنده كه شَل شَل زنان با سرعت حلزون در حال حركت هستند، خودشان را در سوراخ سمبه هايي كه ايمني بالايي هم ندارند مخفي ميكنند و در حاليكه يك لشكر زامبي محاصره شان كرده سر همديگر داد ميكشند و دچار فروپاشي عصبي ميشوند و اخر سر هم شكار زامبي ها ميشوند در حاليكه اين جماعت زامبي زده از همان اول با يك حمله متقابل ميتوانستند دمار از روزگار اين اموات ناخوانده در اورند يا با كشيدن پاشنه ي گيوه يا كتاني با حداكثر سرعت از منطقه خطر دور شوند.
ديالوگ قهرمان يك فيلم زامبي محور:
"حالا چه خاكي به سرمون بريزيم؟ پنج شيش تا زامبي خدانشناس اون بيرون تو حياطن و با سرعتي كه حركت ميكنند تا چند ساعت ديگه مي رسن به در خونه"
November 20, 2019
I received this book from Quirk Books for an honest review. I want to thank Quirk Books for sending this one my way. Super fun read.
How to Survive a Horror Movie was a blast to read. If you like fake self help books then you'll love this quirky read. It was so much fun.
How to review this book. Let's break it down by....looks, format, information, and overall read.
Looks- It's a cute little book. I enjoy chubby/squat books because they are obviously cute to look at, but they are also easy to hold. The illustrations are superb. They were so fun to look at I had to share a lot of them on Instagram. If you like pictures of evil dolls, creepy cemeteries and squawking ravens, than this book is for you.
Format-There are six chapters broken up into Terrorverse, Slasher Survival School, Inanimate Evil, Crypt-Ography, Monster Mash and The Satanic "versus". Each chapter asks you how you can tell you are in a horror movie and then asks you questions to see if you may or may not be experiencing said horror outcomes. There are 5 kinds of movies you could be in...Slashers, Evil Places and Things, The Undead, Monsters or Satanic. "This book contains the tactics to help you survive each and everyone one of these subgenres."
Information is key to staying alive when it comes to a horror movie. If you follow the C.R.A.V.E.N. method during a horror emergency you are more likely to live to be in a sequel. (Cover, Recon, Arsenal, Vehicle, Escape, North). There's also wonderful information like 10 places to never, ever, ever go under any circumstances.
Overall Read- This was fun. I couldn't stop smiling. Is this book going to teach me something? Probably not, unless of course, we really do find ourselves in a dire situation with children from the corn or maybe a chainsaw wielding crazy person. It is definitely a book that I can browse through on a rainy day or to share with friends. It has a home on any horror lovers shelf. I will definitely be keeping this one.
How to Survive a Horror Movie was a blast to read. If you like fake self help books then you'll love this quirky read. It was so much fun.
How to review this book. Let's break it down by....looks, format, information, and overall read.
Looks- It's a cute little book. I enjoy chubby/squat books because they are obviously cute to look at, but they are also easy to hold. The illustrations are superb. They were so fun to look at I had to share a lot of them on Instagram. If you like pictures of evil dolls, creepy cemeteries and squawking ravens, than this book is for you.
Format-There are six chapters broken up into Terrorverse, Slasher Survival School, Inanimate Evil, Crypt-Ography, Monster Mash and The Satanic "versus". Each chapter asks you how you can tell you are in a horror movie and then asks you questions to see if you may or may not be experiencing said horror outcomes. There are 5 kinds of movies you could be in...Slashers, Evil Places and Things, The Undead, Monsters or Satanic. "This book contains the tactics to help you survive each and everyone one of these subgenres."
Information is key to staying alive when it comes to a horror movie. If you follow the C.R.A.V.E.N. method during a horror emergency you are more likely to live to be in a sequel. (Cover, Recon, Arsenal, Vehicle, Escape, North). There's also wonderful information like 10 places to never, ever, ever go under any circumstances.
Overall Read- This was fun. I couldn't stop smiling. Is this book going to teach me something? Probably not, unless of course, we really do find ourselves in a dire situation with children from the corn or maybe a chainsaw wielding crazy person. It is definitely a book that I can browse through on a rainy day or to share with friends. It has a home on any horror lovers shelf. I will definitely be keeping this one.
February 8, 2020
Look, I had just finished Come Tumbling Down, and the world we visit there is constantly compared to a horror movie, so I HAD to pick this one next, right? Right.
This is a quick, fun read if you have a few hours to fill. It's funny while you're reading it, but probably quite forgettable afterwards ("probably" because I only just finished it a few hours ago, only time will tell for sure) But I was definitely satisfied while it lasted.
This is a quick, fun read if you have a few hours to fill. It's funny while you're reading it, but probably quite forgettable afterwards ("probably" because I only just finished it a few hours ago, only time will tell for sure) But I was definitely satisfied while it lasted.
March 17, 2020
This was not too bad of a book. I real tongue in cheek on how to survive in a horror movie. It goes over such things as figuring out if you are in a horror movie, what type and how to survive. It's pretty funny if you are a fan of horror movies. I was able to identify so many that I have seen from the descriptions of the situation. It pretty much follows the logic that I shout at the screen right before someone gets killed.
My only issue with the book is that there are several breaks for other information or quick escape plans. But instead of putting them between chapters, or at the end of internal sections of a chapter, they were just plopped in. I wound up reading the section or chapter I was on and then going back to read that page or two. I just found it kind of disruptive while reading. It was never many pages to go back, the sections or chapters were short. But it still was something i found annoying. Going down a list, and the opposite page was one of these breaks. So had to read on and go back to read the break. But that was just me. Other than that it was fun.
August 14, 2017
Such a fun book for everyone to read and/or listen to if they are into horror movies.
July 8, 2019
actual rating: 3.5
This was funny, but also kind of exhausting? I generally feel this way about a comedy book when it's like every. single. sentence. is a reference to something so about halfway through you're just like god this feels like an extended Family Guy episode and there's a reason those are so short. The premise is entertaining and there were several good bits and I even laughed out loud at some points, but it also seemed to be kind of all over the place and written both as if you are in an actual 'horrorverse' world and also as if you are just on a movie set so I feel like maybe he didn't really have enough material and was trying to stretch it out. There are several comic-style illustrations throughout which I thought was a nice touch. There was also a list of horror movies at the end that he thought were 'the best' and that you should watch, which I always find a bit pretentious but maybe that's just me [I mean, it's not there was really anything on there we haven't all heard of before]. Anyway, a decent enough book and only took me about an hour to read, but in my opinion not as good as his longer fiction works.
This was funny, but also kind of exhausting? I generally feel this way about a comedy book when it's like every. single. sentence. is a reference to something so about halfway through you're just like god this feels like an extended Family Guy episode and there's a reason those are so short. The premise is entertaining and there were several good bits and I even laughed out loud at some points, but it also seemed to be kind of all over the place and written both as if you are in an actual 'horrorverse' world and also as if you are just on a movie set so I feel like maybe he didn't really have enough material and was trying to stretch it out. There are several comic-style illustrations throughout which I thought was a nice touch. There was also a list of horror movies at the end that he thought were 'the best' and that you should watch, which I always find a bit pretentious but maybe that's just me [I mean, it's not there was really anything on there we haven't all heard of before]. Anyway, a decent enough book and only took me about an hour to read, but in my opinion not as good as his longer fiction works.
December 2, 2015
The Good: The book starts off with a delightful prologue from Wes Craven, which is definitely worth the read. Seth Grahame-Smith is quickly becoming a household name, especially with a movie adaption of his Pride & Prejudice & Zombies coming out soon. How to Survive a Horror Movie contains a wealth of his tongue-in-cheek humor that fans will love. As an avid horror movie fan, I appreciated quite a bit of what the author was putting out there in this book. "What to Do If Your Corn Has Children In It" may just be the best chapter title ever.
The Bad: This is much less useful compared to other pop culture survival books in terms of actual real world application. At least in the Zombie Survival Guide, I learned tips that could be used in situations other than zombie attacks. This book rested solely on its humor and that was asking too much of it. While parts are very funny, others fall flat. This is very much a coffee table book - something to build a conversation around rather than something to be read.
The Bad: This is much less useful compared to other pop culture survival books in terms of actual real world application. At least in the Zombie Survival Guide, I learned tips that could be used in situations other than zombie attacks. This book rested solely on its humor and that was asking too much of it. While parts are very funny, others fall flat. This is very much a coffee table book - something to build a conversation around rather than something to be read.
February 8, 2009
Perhaps capitalizing on the zombie survival trend, this book attempts to cover ALL manner of horror films and tells the reader how to tell if you're in one and what to do next.
I found it humorous enough, but it felt like the author was rather stretched for material. He seemed to bounce back and forth between two vantage points - one being that there actually is a Horrorverse and you are in it, the other being that you are just on a movie set. The advice for what to do in the actual Horrorverse was funny and engaging, but it seemed that whenever he ran out of ideas the author started to write as though you are only on a movie set, and tailored his survival advice towards using this fact to your advantage. This seemed like a sloppy copout to me, and damaged the cohesiveness of the book. If you're just on a set, then you're not really in any mortal danger to begin with, so that whole shtick seemed to shoot the book in its own foot.
I found it humorous enough, but it felt like the author was rather stretched for material. He seemed to bounce back and forth between two vantage points - one being that there actually is a Horrorverse and you are in it, the other being that you are just on a movie set. The advice for what to do in the actual Horrorverse was funny and engaging, but it seemed that whenever he ran out of ideas the author started to write as though you are only on a movie set, and tailored his survival advice towards using this fact to your advantage. This seemed like a sloppy copout to me, and damaged the cohesiveness of the book. If you're just on a set, then you're not really in any mortal danger to begin with, so that whole shtick seemed to shoot the book in its own foot.
May 17, 2016
This was so awesome. As a horror movie fanatic, I really love this type of thing. It was really hilarious and poked fun at all the stupid things that happen in horror movies without denouncing the genre. It was packed with tons of references to various horror movies across the genre (from Halloween to Saw to Snakes on a Plane). And with a foreword by Wes Craven, you may be able to do no wrong. This book reminded me of Scream in many ways, but it really expanded and included various genres and situations. I found it hilarious.
There's also a recommended viewing list in the back. I do love lists. I copied it for future reference.
There's also a recommended viewing list in the back. I do love lists. I copied it for future reference.
June 3, 2020
"Investigation = mutilation" 😂👍🏻
This was such a quick and funny read. I read a lot of it out loud to my husband (which I'm sure he was entertained by). I loved the foreword by Wes Craven too 🙌🏻 .
I'd definitely recommend this for horror fans. It makes fun of the cliches and the token horror movie mistakes, but at the same time reminded me of why the horror genre is my favourite genre.
This was such a quick and funny read. I read a lot of it out loud to my husband (which I'm sure he was entertained by). I loved the foreword by Wes Craven too 🙌🏻 .
I'd definitely recommend this for horror fans. It makes fun of the cliches and the token horror movie mistakes, but at the same time reminded me of why the horror genre is my favourite genre.
February 10, 2020
There are two things you can’t change in this world: a husband who lets the dishes pile up, and a haunted house. Both lead to nothing but frustration, fear, and, eventually, a gruesome death.
Full of excellent advice, only surpassed by it's humour.
Full of excellent advice, only surpassed by it's humour.
November 2, 2023
I am not following any Spooktober traditions but after randomly picking up "" by from my bookshelf I felt that it might be a fitting read for this time of the year.
I kind of like horror movies but don't watch them too often. I hate slashers and prefer horror which gets into your head. But these movies are scary and I need to watch an animated family movie afterwards. Sometimes with friends we watch bad movies and always comment how stupid the character's behaviour is. And this book is just that: a tutorial on what to do and not to do if you find yourself in a horror movie.
The book felt like it is a collection of lists ('how to's in several steps). There is no continuous coherent text. And I didn't like that there are some inserts of 1-2 pages that cut in the middle of regular text. But I liked that even with my limited familiarity with horror movies I still recognised a lot of clichés. The list of the classic horror movies in the end of the book was of interest to me.
I kind of like horror movies but don't watch them too often. I hate slashers and prefer horror which gets into your head. But these movies are scary and I need to watch an animated family movie afterwards. Sometimes with friends we watch bad movies and always comment how stupid the character's behaviour is. And this book is just that: a tutorial on what to do and not to do if you find yourself in a horror movie.
The book felt like it is a collection of lists ('how to's in several steps). There is no continuous coherent text. And I didn't like that there are some inserts of 1-2 pages that cut in the middle of regular text. But I liked that even with my limited familiarity with horror movies I still recognised a lot of clichés. The list of the classic horror movies in the end of the book was of interest to me.
March 8, 2025
This was a fun book that will raise a few smiles from anyone who is fan of horror films. I've always loved horror films from a young age, my parents were never strict on age ratings, so I had seen the majority of horror films referenced in this book (you know as soon as you read the advice, which film he took this from) before I hit my teens. They only ever banned me from watching two until I was 16 - The Exorcist and The Nightmare on Elm Street, which made me think they would be the most scariest films ever, and ultimately I ended up thinking they were a massive let down.
The original Poltergeist is my all time favourite horror film. There are a few films he mentions in the 'Addition Study materials' that I haven't seen, so will need to watch them! I am disappointed he names 'Halloween III' as an inessential horror movie, as I think that's a great one!
If your not a fan of horror movies, you prob won't get this but if you are, knock yourself out. I would advise dipping in and out of this, rather than having it as your main read.
The original Poltergeist is my all time favourite horror film. There are a few films he mentions in the 'Addition Study materials' that I haven't seen, so will need to watch them! I am disappointed he names 'Halloween III' as an inessential horror movie, as I think that's a great one!
If your not a fan of horror movies, you prob won't get this but if you are, knock yourself out. I would advise dipping in and out of this, rather than having it as your main read.
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