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149 pages, ebook
First published October 28, 2013
“Suddenly, the struggle to raise above the others was gone as the wagon filled with cool air and the crowd moved, carrying Victor with it. He frantically clutched at the fabric of someone’s skirt, but the stream of people came to an abrupt stop with a loud bang that made Victor’s ears ring. The air filled with a new smell, smoky, a bit like fireworks.”
"And for the record I'm not a whore,even though my morals are loose.There are things I won't do,even for food."
“But you wouldn’t ‘crunch’ my bones, would you?” muttered Victor, pressing a soft kiss to the underside of his jaw. Accompanying it were a quiet sound and a rush of air. Victor was sniffing him. For a moment, Crunch felt self conscious, but since Victor wasn’t moving away, it had to be a pleasant scent for him.
I wish to share here a sample of their flirty banter...
“What is it, Mr. Crunch?” Victor bit his lip, slowly rubbing his calf over Crunch’s knee.
Crunch pulled down his trousers and finally set his cock free. It was dying to get between Victor’s juicy lips. “Ya ready for dessert?” he grunted, slouching over the other man.
“I thought I just ate some cake and fruit.” Victor's face was tense with attempts to stop a smile, but it wasn't working and soon, he was beaming in the semi-darkness.
“Now ya gonna get some cream,” Crunch panted and kneeled closer above Victor’s face. His stiff prick looked like it belonged there.
Victor exhaled, licking his lips with eyes focused on the cock that was now inches above him. Slowly, he spread his arms, revealing his full naked glory. With his legs slightly bent at the knees, his stomach trembling with each breath, he looked like a human sacrifice, one that Crunch was willing to devour.
They both flirts with each other a-lot. And I liked it very much. It's fun to read and lightens up the atmosphere.
Covered with mud, with muscles hurting from the long run, he couldn’t stop crying. “Will I die?”
“Yes, ya fucker! I’m gonna fuckin’ skin ya when we get back!” Crunch spat on the ground and without a second warning, he dropped to one knee and knotted up Victor’s ankles.
“Don’t say a fuckin’ word, ya dumb fuck. Got it?”
That Jacob man only spent a month here, and already looked rugged, his manly charms gone like the knocked out teeth.
Crunch knew that look all too well. Was this whole fucking army full of eager boy arses?
"It seemed like it’s been ages since his team started working in the orchard, and they haven't been given any water so far."Try instead
"It seemed like it had been ages since his team started working in the orchard, and they hadn't been given any water so far."And then you have the homophones (that's "tracing his muscled planes", folks, not "plains") and odd word constructions ("the buzz dawned on him"?? Seriously? How does a buzz dawn on someone?) and plural/singular noun mixups ("There was a dozen of armed men" should obviously be "There were a dozen armed men") and multiple other problems that any half-competent editor could have dealt with before publication. I could include many many more such glaring examples, but you get the picture.
"Victor’s mouth stretched into a seductive smile before he even thought about it".No time for looking around, no time for calculation, no time for thinking "Oh my God what am I gonna do now?" -- nope, his first impulse is to seduce without even thinking about it. Really?? And he's winking and licking his lips at this guard while his hands are still bound?? And that same day, the first day he's been in the camp, he's chuckling with the guy. How are readers supposed to feel the horrors of the prison camp when our MC is instantly and busily seducing and feeling free to wink and chuckle with a lover instead of being properly shocked/alarmed/despondent/horrified/desperate/pick-an-adjective about life in the camp? Readers are left with the impression that this guy is either totally oblivious or completely self-absorbed and cold-blooded -- neither one of which helps us to empathize with him or to believe in the romance that follows.